Jenn's Jams - Matt Hammitt - All Of Me

You are staring at one of the most important screens that you'll ever see in your life and you're anxiously waiting for the doctor to tell you if you'll be welcoming a baby boy or a baby girl into the world in a few short months. Suddenly your doctor's face turns more serious, and you know that something is wrong, something is seriously wrong. You wait but he doesn't say anything.

They tell you it's a boy and your heart melts - his two sisters are going to be thrilled, finally a brother! 

But then there's those faces. The doctor excuses himself for a moment and brings in another doctor, points to the beating heart on the screen and you watch as that doctor's face becomes serious as well. You want to know what's wrong, you want to know why everyone keeps pointing and frowning and looking so very serious.

They tell you that it's a heart defect. They tell you that the odds aren't good. They tell you that you will likely deliver a live baby, and then lose him. You name him Bowen.

In Matt's words: "I was reserving some of my excitement and love for this boy because I was afraid of what would happen and I was afraid to get hurt. I was building walls around my heart to protect myself in case things didn’t go well...I knew I needed to fully trust God in what He was going to do in our son’s life and our lives. To be able to walk through that situation and give God all that I have--allow God to do His will and to learn to love and to trust in Him completely."

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Talk about heart-wrenching. I love this song. I love the lyrics. I love the story behind it. Baby Bowen was born with a heart defect that left him with basically half of a heart, he underwent an open-heart surgery within days of being born and then the next night, he went into cardiac arrest. They spent an hour doing CPR on his still open chest and, to God's glory, Bowen pulled through. He has underwent many heart surgeries but Bowen will turn two in just over a week and he is a happy, healthy boy.

I think that Matt's message can apply to so much in life. God calls for us to trust in him with our whole selves, leaving nothing for Him to want and when we choose to do so, He promises to keep us from harm and to deliver us into comfort and love. 

I cannot listen to this song without tearing up a bit. I think of how it must have felt for Matt and for Sarah to know that their baby would suffer and to know that their baby may never see more than a few moments of life. I can understand the want to hold back, to keep from becoming so attached to this little life because it could be torn away so quickly. But to make the choice to trust God and to give their whole selves - that is courageous and it is what we are called to do. Listen. Enjoy. I dare you not to cry.

Afraid to love

Something that could break

Could I move on

If you were torn away?

And I'm so close to what I can't control

I can't give you half my heart

And pray He makes you whole

(Chorus)

You're gonna have all of me 

You're gonna have all of me

'Cause you're worth every falling tear

You're worth facing any fear

You're gonna know all my love

Even if it's not enough

Enough to mend our broken hearts

But giving you all of me is where I'll start

I won't let sadness steal you from my arms

I won't let pain keep you from my heart

I'll trade the fear of all that I could lose

For every moment I share with you

Chorus

Heaven brought you to this moment, it's too wonderful to speak

You're worth all of me, you're worth all of me

So let me recklessly love you, even if I bleed

You're worth all of me, you're worth all of me

Chorus (X2)

It's where I'll start 

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You can learn more about little Bowen, follow the Hammitt family's blog, and join in to help family's like the Hammitt's here.