Sunday, January 31, 2010

So we went mountain climbing {or something of the sort}

"Unusual travel suggestions are dancing lessons from God." - Kurt Vonnegut

We went mountain-climbing this weekend. Okay, so I admit that it wasn't mountain-climbing...but we like to think it was close. My husband has a friend in from Florida this week. He's no stranger to me, we stayed with him a few days on our honeymoon and he was here for our wedding reception and we've seen him a time or two since then too. I personally think of him as my own friend too, especially after our exciting mountain-climbing exhibition. I'm at ease around him, no need to put up any sort of fake smile or hello just to be nice.

So we went to Maid-Rite for dinner in Greenville, which is right along the Ohio-Indiana border. It was my first time ever eating there and it was an experience all on it's own.

I'm not going to lie, I wasn't fond of the loose-meat sandwiches. But, after trying my husband's with the mustard and onion still intact, I had to admit that they were kind of good. If anything, the atmosphere was totally worth the visit. The bubble-gum covered walls were one of the neatest things I'd ever seen and Dusty could still point out his 'D' on the back of the building. Unfortunately I didn't have any gum of my own, I'll have to make Jeremy take me back so I can add my own to the collection.

When our bellies were full and we had all concluded that we had ate way to much, we all agreed that it was far to early to go home on a Friday. So...we headed towards the Indiana state line. We drove for miles with no sense of direction (Okay, I was driving and although the guys had some sort of idea to where we were, I had no clue). Eventually Dusty decided that he would pull out his GPS and figure out where we were and head in a direction towards home. But when he pulled out his GPS and it kept announcing that 'Hoosier Hill' was only a few miles away, we decided that we had to see what the fuss was about.

So we headed towards Hoosier Hill. We had no trouble finding the roads and even the sign that said "Hoosier Hill Highpoint" with a huge arrow that pointed the way. Finding Hoosier Hill was however, not as easy. We drove by it twice...TWICE...without ever noticing that there could be anything that even resembled a hill there. We finally decided to pull off the side of the road into a small path next to a cornfeild and explore a bit. We would have never guessed that we'd just pulled into Hoosier Hill!! The hill was less than exciting, the sign clearly stated however, that we'd just reached the tip-top of Indiana. I wasn't convinced, when I got home I looked it up and found all the information I needed to confirm in Mountain-Climbing websites.

Welcome to Hoosier Hill! Haha. So we laughed. We parked the car on the wrong side of the road so that the headlights would brighten the sign so we could take pictures with it. We laughed some more. We drove home and on the way, we talked about what a great time we'd had...scaling mountains but honestly, doing nothing. Jeremy and I are still feeling 'lighter' from that day. We needed the pointless fun with a friend. We need to explore, do nothing and just act silly. It was a welcomed 'sigh' from the daily grind.

I won't mention the children's tea-house that we explored later that night, or the many lakes and ponds that the boys were sure I was going to drive the car into. Dusty is talking about moving back. I really hope he does. I think we could all have a lot more fun, silly times together.

Thursday, January 28, 2010

Push, pull and crash...

"I wish you could feel the… complexity… the confusion… I feel. That you could understand." -Twilight

True understanding is so hard to find. I've found it difficult lately to connect to anyone on any sort of level. It's like I'm standing in the distance, rambling on and on and on and hoping that someone a mile away will hear my whispers and respond.

It's not that there's something wrong. I don't feel unhappy, depressed or upset...just...hazed. One could often find me standing and staring at nothing, my face and mind completely blank. I need a good conversation, a deep that brings my life back into some sort of existence of meaning instead of the every day routine that has left me feeling lost.

I want hands to explore the depths of my mind, stopping to touch and feel even the smallest of details. I want to find the time to sit down with a cup of coffee and just talk about life and where I am, where we are, what my dreams and hopes and concerns are right in this little chapter of life.

I rarely see my husband anymore. I don't have time for friends or family. Things have become a huge rush: work, school...sleep. (Right, sleep...what's that again?) I've found myself staying up way to late just to sit and stare at my husband for a few minutes at the other end of the couch. It's all the time we have; an hour to stare at one another. It's hard to have a good conversation when your mind and body is barely awake.

It's a complex situation, the push and pull between what you 'need' to do and what you 'want' to do. It's confusing, to him, attempting to guess what the other one is thinking when we've barely time to speak. I wish someone would understand...but understanding is hard to find when we haven't even the time to try to explain it.

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

'Bucket List' Tuesdays

So here’s the thing. I have pondered a lot lately as to what I would include on my ‘bucket list’ if I was ever to make one. Well, I’m going to make one…and I’m going to do it weekly. I figure it’s much easier to come up with one thing at a time rather than a whole list. With a list I always feel as if I’m leaving things out and it’s such a pain to go back and edit and add and all that jazz. So I’m going to dedicate my Tuesdays to my bucket list. I will come up with one thing every Tuesday to add to my list (Okay, let’s admit that I’m sure there will be weeks that I come up with more than one) and I hope that you’ll add your own ‘bucket list’ hopes and dreams too.

Since I'm doing this via blog and obviously I like to write, I found it fit to start my bucket list with one of my deepest hopes and dreams. Since I was a little girl, sitting in my room with one of those cute little diaries that had a lock that never did work, I've always dreamed of being a writer. I have notebooks and pages and folders full of stories and poems and pondering and just random tid-bits of this and that that I've wrote over the years. I refuse to throw any of it away no matter how silly or foolish it seems.

When I say I want to be a writer, it doesn't mean that I want to sell hundreds upon hundreds of copies of a book or have this huge fan base where every one knows my name. It simply means that I want to write in a way that will touch other's lives. I want people to want to read my words, simply because they feel something from them. Perhaps one day I will be lucky enough to publish something out there will hundreds will get to read it. But if I never do, it won't make much of a difference to me.

So the first thing on my bucket list is this::

1) Become a writer; one who touches people's lives and creates words that can be felt and not just read.

Monday, January 25, 2010

Dear Monday.

I have to say that I just adore my Mondays. Although the phone normally rings around 10 a.m. and I roll out of bed wishing that I could sleep for just a few hours longer, I look forward to what every Monday brings. My favorite Mondays are usually the ones that I spend in my P.J.'s, curled up on the couch with a good book or my favorite television shows (recorded on DVR of course, because life has become to busy to watch them when they are actually on) with nothing else planned but being lazy. Of course, these Mondays never really happen because Mondays are my only days to do laundry, clean and then there is the small fact that I have school...ugh.

However, my second favorite Mondays are the ones that tend to take place every Monday. I drag myself out of bed, jump in the shower, get my laundry together and then make the drive to Miamisburg. Pulling into my old parking place, I know two things are going to happen with my lovely Monday:

1) I am going to be spoiled rotten. I am going to be fussed over, offered candy and treats and loved on like I'm a little kid again. (Okay, let's admit it...I'm still a kid at heart.)

2) I will very happily do my laundry without having to sit at the laundry mat. Matter of fact, I may even find some time to type up a blog with the free time that I have NOT sitting at the laundry mat.

Have I mentioned that I love Mondays?

Not only do I get spoiled rotten, not only do I get to do my laundry for free...but I also get to spend time with my lovely grandmother in whom I adore with every beat of my heart. Somtimes we'll sit around all Monday long and do nothing. Other times we'll go out and do a little shopping (even if it's mostly window shopping, it's still fun) and we always have some sort of lunch together. ( that isn't soup or turkey and on my way-to-strict diet.)

My only damper to Mondays is school...and even then, it's two of my easiest classes so it's not really much of a damper at all. So despite the mass quantities of people out there hating on their Mondays, I raise a glass and bid a toast to the lovely Mondays of my life and hope and wish that their will be many more to come!

Sunday, January 24, 2010

On a Night like This...

My new year resolution was to write more and although we're only preparing to embrace the beginning of February, I feel as if I've already begun to slip. I'm hoping that with this blog, I can keep this resolution...and in lue of starting a new blog, a new story. I hope you'll enjoy.


On a Night like This...

It was clear, cold, crisp…her heart beat slowly in her chest, the moving blood the only warmth in her body and the night. The wind blew and as the leaves danced along with the breeze, their shadows caused ghosts to dance across the frozen, white water. She watched them move, feeling the fear form in her stomach; a solid rock holding her to her seat on the ground. Goosebumps rose against her arms and back and she wished with all of her might that she had the courage to explore the frozen depths of the beautiful pond further. She cried, the tears hot on her skin. Here nothing was touched, nothing was ruined by human hands trying to ‘fix’ everything. There were dangers around every bend; she could get lost here, disappear and no one would ever know. She longed to disappear.

In the space of a moment when time stood still, she longed for him to be there with her, sitting next to the frozen mystery with the moonlight sparkling along it’s shiny depths. The only sounds were the rustle of the leaves and the gentle trickle of water, moving somewhere beneath the hard, cold surface that eyes could not see. Even her tears came in silence. They came and they went, flowing like the water before her once had. She shivered, the coolness of the night coloring her skin the brightest red and then moving deeper to chill her bones. She didn’t care how cold it was, she wanted to sit here forever.

Pondering life itself, she looked up to the tiny, twinkling stars for answers. Her mind begged them to answer her many questions; her many worries and regrets. She wished to know what it was like to live beneath the frozen darkness of the pond, swimming carelessly in the freezing water. She wished to know why life had become so complicated and why humans insisted on twisting every thing as pure and beautiful as this pond into something so…rugged, ugly and mean. They had become so mean; mean to nature and it’s perfect simplicity.

As the tears slowed she realized that she would go again this night without an answer. Although the stars danced and shined full of fire and power and words; they still did not speak to her. She curled herself into a ball, pulling her legs to her chest and wrapping her arms around them. She thought of him, wishing he could share this moment with her and knowing that his tears would have fallen at the beauty of such an innocent sight as well.

They could have made love here beneath the stars, the cold ground burning their bare skin and the warmth of one another causing a fire within itself. He understood and understanding created the deepest of passion and lust. She longed for his touch here where nothing but God could witness their act.

Sighing, she closed her eyes. The wind soon turned her tears to nothing but an invisible line of salt on her cheeks and her chest rose and fell gently as slept began to take over her mind and thoughts. The moon continued to shine, the ghosts continued to dance and the water still moved unseen as she laid on the hard ground and drifted into a deep sleep. Her heart continued to ache in her chest and as she stepped into dream land, the stars sang and twinkled and burned the story that she had longed to know…