Kiss It

So I've been reading this new book thanks to Gay over at A Girl Named Gay for a few weeks now. I wish I had more time to read it, but it's just been a page or two here and there when I have time. It's called Intuitive Eating and so far I love it.

I love how empowering that the first couple of chapters have already made me feel. For once I feel at peace with myself, the way that I eat, and even how I look.

Weight has always been a huge struggle for me. It's a huge struggle for a lot of us; but I can honestly say that it's been an issue for me for as long as I can remember. Even in elementary school I can recall where I challenged one of the fastest kids in school to a race just because someone was calling me fat. Just to prove to them that I couldn't help it! And wouldn't you know - I beat that kid. I was fast. I was a bigger built person even then, but I wasn't fat and I was sooo super active. The kid just didn't know what was coming at him.

Now I am fat. I know this. Whatever. It happens.

So I've tried dieting. I've tried counting calories, just cutting back, not eating meat, giving up carbs, matching points with my foods. Ya know where all of that has left me?

FAT!

And ya know what. I'm finally accepting that it's not my fault. The skinniest I remember being in the last few years wasn't because I was dieting. It was because I was happy. I was free and I ate whatever the hell I wanted to, whenever the hell I wanted to and I paired that with an active lifestyle that I enjoyed.

So I'm going to keep reading this book and I'm going to go back to being who I am fully. I am going to try to rediscover the foods that I love, and I'm not going to limit myself just because someone says that I should. I'm going to try to find physical activities again that I once enjoyed. Hell - even shopping is being off your butt and walking! I'm going to kiss dieting goodbye for the rest of my life because dieting is deadly. It truly is.

Dieting helped me put on this weight, not take it off. And dieting has killed my self-confidence, constantly telling me that I'm just not 'strong' enough and that I just don't have enough 'will-power'.

I faced two days of full-force labor without any pain medication after sitting in the hospital for a week. I am strong enough.

I've changed my stars, taking the crappy cards I was dealt in life and turning them into one kick-ass hand. I do have enough will-power.

So kiss it, dieting. I will never see you again!