Any of you who have read my blog for a bit know about the situation with my mother. She sent me a message on Facebook and quite frankly, I couldn't resist telling her exactly how I felt. It was something I needed to do, mostly for myself. When she responded to my response, I was little less than dumbfounded. Here's the conversation, I removed her name for sake of privacy on her part.
ONE OF THESE DAYS I HOPE YOU WILL FORGIVE ME AND LET ME BE APART OF THAT BEAUTIFUL SON OF YOURS LIFE I LOVE YOU NO MATTER WHAT BUT YOU NEED TO FORGIVE ME I AM NOT A BAD PERSON AND I LOVE YOU AND YOUR BABY AND JUST HOPE YOU WILL LET ME APART OF HIS LIFE FORGIVENESS IS EVERYTHING JEN DONT FORGET THAT AND NEVER FORGET I LOVE YOU AND MY GRANDBABY EVEN THOUGH I DONT KNOW HIM
Jenn Ovenshire
I forgave you a long time ago. There is a huge difference in forgiveness and protecting your family. I will not put a person in my son's life who came in and out of mine so often. If you think that I am angry or bitter towards you, you are wrong. I am simply doing what I feel is best both for myself and my family. I feel as if I gave you opportunities to be part of my life. I invited you to my graduation, my wedding, I searched for phone numbers and called you when I hadn't heard from you in so long. I tried for many years. You knew where I was and my grandmothers phone number never changed and yet you made little to no effort to contact me. I'm sorry that you feel as if its me that has removed you from my life because I feel as if you did that yourself many years ago.
- Today
i hate that you feel that way but i have never cut you out of my life iam sorry but i will always love and think of you and my grandbaby so think what ever you want to but i will always love you
I have sat here unable to even put into words how just a few words of hers can set me off. It hurts me 1) because I feel like she's pushing blame and guilt on to me and 2) because I feel as if she's calling me a liar. It angers me for the same reasons and also because I don't understand how someone can never bother to have any part in your life and then all of a sudden feel entitled. Does anyone else get a sense of entitlement from these few words? Maybe it's just me.
To me, love is so much more than saying 'I loved you and always have loved you'. There has to be action behind those words. It took everything in me not to send a very angry message back saying "you NEVER cut me from your life?! NEVER?!" because in my mind, that's all she's done.
How would you treat the situation? I don't know what to say because I know, right now, the only words my heart can find are full of anger and hurt. God commands us to forgive but I don't think He wants us to give forgiveness and then put ourselves back into situations where we know we'll be hurt again. Am I wrong about that? I could use some guidance here.
You have every single right to be upset and hurt. She can't just expect you to welcome her back with open arms. It's a very tough situation that she has put you in. You always have to do what's best for you and your family.
ReplyDeleteI agree, Jen! I have to stay strong and continue to do what I KNOW is best for Henry and I. Thank you so much for your encouraging words and support. You are an awesome blog friend!
Delete:) Ditto, you are awesome!
DeleteJenn, I am praying for God to guide you and give you a peace in your heart that breaks this long suffering. "Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it." Proverbs 4:23. Blessings to your family Jenn. In Jesus name amen. Tara.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much Tara, I appreciate this so much!
DeleteUgh. How is it that family can hurt us in ways no one else can? Is it because we hold them to a different standard? Because if it was a friend treating us that way we would simply remove them from our life? But as a family member we feel like we have to keep trying and trying?
ReplyDeleteI wish I had the perfect advice, but I don't. All I can say is that I'm thinking of you during this tough time.
Your advice was perfect! My mom isn't really a 'mother' to me, she's not even a friend. Why should I continue allowing her to hurt me and disrupt my life? Thanks so much for the encouraging words, Kristen!
DeleteStay strong momma. You know what's right in your heart. Apologies for the lack of advice. Sending thoughts and prayers your way.
ReplyDeleteI think sometimes we have to go through little bumps to be reminded of what is right. Thank you so much for the thoughts and prayers, I appreciate you as a blog friend so very much!
Delete