Thursday, July 03, 2014

Chasing Fireflies

I've been so in awe of Henry lately - in awe and feeling overwhelming blessed. There have been moments when I have found myself alone, lost in thought, smiling like a fool as the thought of his little face and words and expressions and actions cross my mind.

I feel like I've said it for the last year and a half, but this age is so much fun.

The excitement that he has at some of the smallest things - like last night as we chased lightning bugs around our neighborhood. I came home from work around 10 and he had a little Ziplock container with a lonely lightning bug crawling around the inside, refusing to light up. We didn't have the heart to tell him that it was probably a shade away from dead - the shaking and the bouncing only helping further the poor bug's demise. He immediately looked up to me and said 'Mommy! Lightning Bug!' and then shoved in in my face like it was the highest trophy and achievement an almost-three year old could have. He then willingly dragged me outside and we searched our yard for more fireflies - and when I took him to the darkest spot in the yard he grabbed my hand and said 'Mommy, hold me, hold me tight.'

And I did. I carried him around and we chased invisible little bugs who only lit up from across the yard and it seemed like magic because in a way - it was.

And those moments are the moments I remember when I'm alone, even for a minute. Because I miss him when we have to be apart, even for a minute. This age brings magic into my life. Magic and hope and innocence and pure joy. This child makes life new for me and I feel so lost in all these emotions sometimes that I wonder how a heart survives such joy - that maybe one day it will just burst with happiness.

The nights that I work I rush home in hopes that he hasn't fallen asleep, and even when he has, I look at his precious little face and I'm just - struck. Love struck. Awe struck.

I am his Mommy. God choose me to be his Mommy.

I am blessed.

I think about him turning three in just a couple of weeks and I can't believe how fast the time has gone and I wonder if I've truly appreciated these three years enough. And I hope that time will slow down just a little so that I can learn to appreciate it more before the time is gone.

And I think that all parents think this way and that is why when you have a baby you always hear: they are only little once and they grow up so fast and hold them while you can. And you brush it aside partly because you hear it over and over again and partly because even before you hold them in your arms, you never want to admit that one day they'll be too big to hold.

So I'm going to try to learn to appreciate this time more so that when he is too big to hold, I'll remember this magical age - so full of fun and excitement and learning. And maybe I'll be able to convince another Mommy-to-be that they're only this little once and to squeeze them tight and appreciate this time because it flies by so very fast.


  1. so sweet, jenn. :) i know what you mean when you say that you find yourself alone just thinking of the sweetness of your child. this age is so magical and it does go by way, way too fast. henry is so lucky to have you as his mama!

  2. We are currently in awe about lightning bugs too. You want to know one of my favorite moments- when he chooses me to hold him over someone else, just like last night when we were setting off fireworks- he wanted me. He felt safe with me! I live for that!

  3. Such a good reminder about how fast it all goes.
    What a beautiful memory for you and Henry, chasing those fireflies.


You don't know just how lovely you are...thank you.