When I met my husband and he asked me to marry him 6 short months after meeting, I didn't think I could love anyone more.
Two months later we walked down the aisle together and said 'I Do' and began our lives together growing together, laughing and loving through the everyday mundane together, and I really didn't think I could love anyone more.
Fast forward to a tiny heartbeat filling a room as our eyes filled with tears, the tiny fluttering on the screen a miracle all on it's own - now I was SURE I couldn't love anyone more.
That tiny heartbeat developed into a rolling, kicking extension of my body and I had never loved my OWN body more - but then it was born, and I held my son in my arms and my heart burst because I had never, ever loved anyone more.
He grew and his mommy and daddy did too. There were good times and there were bad times. There were easy times and there were hard times (really, really hard times, if we are going to be honest). Now I sit and I look at my life, surrounded by my boys, and I understand why we are not given an infinite amount of time to love. Given an eternity my heart would not be able to withstand this extraordinary love that constantly grows.
I see my son develop daily into his very own person with quirks and attitude, likes and dislikes, that are unique only to him and my heart melts. Curled up on the couch with a stuffed cat tucked into his arm, a fuzzy vest that hangs to his knees his favorite piece of clothing, his hat turned inside out, and watching a YouTube video about kid hacks and inventions - I couldn't love a boy more.
I look back at the 10 years that I've spent with my husband and sit in awe at how far we have come. We have seen heartache together. We have seen the worst of each other. We have lost all humility and have fallen vulnerable at one another's feet more than once. And while there were times I wasn't sure I loved him like I did when we met, I realized over time that the love wasn't lost, but more the patience and the understanding of humanity and all that it brings to the table. The fight was worth it because a love like this is worth it. As we grow older together, raising this boy together that we couldn't love more, I realize too that I only love him more. His quirks. His books on tape. His obsession with Tesla and Jeopardy. His cheesy jokes, constant picking, and his desires in life - I couldn't love anyone more.
Everyday, it seems, I only love more.
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Saturday, April 28, 2018
Sunday, January 24, 2010
On a Night like This...
My new year resolution was to write more and although we're only preparing to embrace the beginning of February, I feel as if I've already begun to slip. I'm hoping that with this blog, I can keep this resolution...and in lue of starting a new blog, a new story. I hope you'll enjoy.
It was clear, cold, crisp…her heart beat slowly in her chest, the moving blood the only warmth in her body and the night. The wind blew and as the leaves danced along with the breeze, their shadows caused ghosts to dance across the frozen, white water. She watched them move, feeling the fear form in her stomach; a solid rock holding her to her seat on the ground. Goosebumps rose against her arms and back and she wished with all of her might that she had the courage to explore the frozen depths of the beautiful pond further. She cried, the tears hot on her skin. Here nothing was touched, nothing was ruined by human hands trying to ‘fix’ everything. There were dangers around every bend; she could get lost here, disappear and no one would ever know. She longed to disappear.
In the space of a moment when time stood still, she longed for him to be there with her, sitting next to the frozen mystery with the moonlight sparkling along it’s shiny depths. The only sounds were the rustle of the leaves and the gentle trickle of water, moving somewhere beneath the hard, cold surface that eyes could not see. Even her tears came in silence. They came and they went, flowing like the water before her once had. She shivered, the coolness of the night coloring her skin the brightest red and then moving deeper to chill her bones. She didn’t care how cold it was, she wanted to sit here forever.
Pondering life itself, she looked up to the tiny, twinkling stars for answers. Her mind begged them to answer her many questions; her many worries and regrets. She wished to know what it was like to live beneath the frozen darkness of the pond, swimming carelessly in the freezing water. She wished to know why life had become so complicated and why humans insisted on twisting every thing as pure and beautiful as this pond into something so…rugged, ugly and mean. They had become so mean; mean to nature and it’s perfect simplicity.
As the tears slowed she realized that she would go again this night without an answer. Although the stars danced and shined full of fire and power and words; they still did not speak to her. She curled herself into a ball, pulling her legs to her chest and wrapping her arms around them. She thought of him, wishing he could share this moment with her and knowing that his tears would have fallen at the beauty of such an innocent sight as well.
They could have made love here beneath the stars, the cold ground burning their bare skin and the warmth of one another causing a fire within itself. He understood and understanding created the deepest of passion and lust. She longed for his touch here where nothing but God could witness their act.
Sighing, she closed her eyes. The wind soon turned her tears to nothing but an invisible line of salt on her cheeks and her chest rose and fell gently as slept began to take over her mind and thoughts. The moon continued to shine, the ghosts continued to dance and the water still moved unseen as she laid on the hard ground and drifted into a deep sleep. Her heart continued to ache in her chest and as she stepped into dream land, the stars sang and twinkled and burned the story that she had longed to know…
-----
On a Night like This...
It was clear, cold, crisp…her heart beat slowly in her chest, the moving blood the only warmth in her body and the night. The wind blew and as the leaves danced along with the breeze, their shadows caused ghosts to dance across the frozen, white water. She watched them move, feeling the fear form in her stomach; a solid rock holding her to her seat on the ground. Goosebumps rose against her arms and back and she wished with all of her might that she had the courage to explore the frozen depths of the beautiful pond further. She cried, the tears hot on her skin. Here nothing was touched, nothing was ruined by human hands trying to ‘fix’ everything. There were dangers around every bend; she could get lost here, disappear and no one would ever know. She longed to disappear.
In the space of a moment when time stood still, she longed for him to be there with her, sitting next to the frozen mystery with the moonlight sparkling along it’s shiny depths. The only sounds were the rustle of the leaves and the gentle trickle of water, moving somewhere beneath the hard, cold surface that eyes could not see. Even her tears came in silence. They came and they went, flowing like the water before her once had. She shivered, the coolness of the night coloring her skin the brightest red and then moving deeper to chill her bones. She didn’t care how cold it was, she wanted to sit here forever.
Pondering life itself, she looked up to the tiny, twinkling stars for answers. Her mind begged them to answer her many questions; her many worries and regrets. She wished to know what it was like to live beneath the frozen darkness of the pond, swimming carelessly in the freezing water. She wished to know why life had become so complicated and why humans insisted on twisting every thing as pure and beautiful as this pond into something so…rugged, ugly and mean. They had become so mean; mean to nature and it’s perfect simplicity.
As the tears slowed she realized that she would go again this night without an answer. Although the stars danced and shined full of fire and power and words; they still did not speak to her. She curled herself into a ball, pulling her legs to her chest and wrapping her arms around them. She thought of him, wishing he could share this moment with her and knowing that his tears would have fallen at the beauty of such an innocent sight as well.
They could have made love here beneath the stars, the cold ground burning their bare skin and the warmth of one another causing a fire within itself. He understood and understanding created the deepest of passion and lust. She longed for his touch here where nothing but God could witness their act.
Sighing, she closed her eyes. The wind soon turned her tears to nothing but an invisible line of salt on her cheeks and her chest rose and fell gently as slept began to take over her mind and thoughts. The moon continued to shine, the ghosts continued to dance and the water still moved unseen as she laid on the hard ground and drifted into a deep sleep. Her heart continued to ache in her chest and as she stepped into dream land, the stars sang and twinkled and burned the story that she had longed to know…
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