A ::heavy:: Heart

I've held back tears since about noon today. I've been counting down the days until my brother comes home, not knowing exactly when that will be, but knowing that his expectations were that of 'soon'. He was suppose to finish his Bradley training and then come home for a week or two before he headed out to Korea. He'll be there for a year, he said, maybe two.

I rarely check my phone at work, mostly because Jeremy is usually working too and I don't have much of a need for it otherwise. I don't know what made me look at it today, but when I did, it made me smile to see that I had a text-message from my brother. That smile vanished quickly though, reading those few words: "I leave for Korea on Friday. I'm off to see the world, sis".

Through several other text messages I've learned that he won't be coming home before he leaves. He's headed off to a different part of the world, in which I instructed him to take a million pictures for me. He said he would. At the point in time, he'll be there for a year, hopefully coming home in six months or so. That's not so bad...it's better than the first expected two with no trip home. Still, I wish I could see him first.

Words can't explain how I miss him at times. At other times, life is so busy that I almost forget that he's gone. The thought of 'what if' is always there though, hanging in the back of my mind. I don't want to think about things and what it means to be an American soldier while our country is at war. I'm extremely proud to call my brother my own, not because that he's a soldier, but because he has one of the biggest hearts. He makes a perfect soldier because he's not there for the money, or the show, but because he's always been the type of person to give himself in order to help others. I love him for that, it's why we've always been the best of friends.

I hope that he feels loved as he flies overseas. I hope that he'll be safe and keep his head on straight. I hope that he knows that he has tons of friends and family back home thinking of him. I hope that he remembers his sister, whose heart is heavy over this news, and remembers how much she loves him.