Day 40

"Of all the things love dares to do, this the ultimate. Though threatened, it keeps pursuing. Though challenged, it keeps moving forward. Though mistreated and rejected, it refuses to give up.

Love never fails."

After our little rough spot, Jeremy and I decided to challenge our marriage and read and do 'The Love Dare'. It's funny really, we watched 'Fireproof' (the book is the main focus point in the movie) before we were married and loved it so much that we used their concept of salt and pepper shakers as our topper for our wedding cake. Little did we know, we'd actually be doing The Love Dare ourselves not two years later.

Today was our last day.

It was quite the experience. Words cannot explain how doing this together has evolved our marriage from rough in spots to absolute bliss no matter the situation. We have learned so much and I love my husband for so many reasons...

• I love him because he reminds me every day that I am special to him. I am beautiful. I am loved and I always will be.

• I love him because he holds my hand everywhere we go, when we pray and when we're singing together at church.

• I love him because he shares everything with me, his secrets, his feelings, even things that I really didn't need (or want) to know.

• I love him because he does the dishes. Okay, I may even love him double for this.

• I love him because he understands how important it is to me to be a stay-at-home mommy one day. Even if that means us struggling to make it for awhile.

• I love him because he understands my desire to be mommy...and has done everything he can to make it happen soon.

• I love him because he always opens the car door for me. Sometimes he even buckles my seatbelt...but that's just because he's silly.

• I love him because he's silly. He always makes me laugh.

• I love him because he understands my crazy love for animals and that he's totally accepted the fact that our home one day will be packed to the gills with random cats, dogs, rabbits, birds, pigs...well, let's just say 'pets'.

• I love him because he lets me sleep on him while we're watching tv on the couch and he doesn't even change my show when I start snoring.

• I love him because he patiently explains things that I don't understand over and over again without ever getting annoyed.

• I love him because he kisses me and the doggie goodnight every night. He would kiss the cat too but the cat's not to fond of kisses.

• I love him because he goes to bed with me every night, even though I go to bed way early and I know he's not tired most of the time.

• I love him because he wakes up at the crack of dawn to kiss me goodbye and wish me a good day every morning. I know how easy it would be for him to just sleep in.

• I love him because he brings me home flowers, messages on pizza boxes and little trinkets all of the time to let me know that he was thinking of me.

• I love him because he brags about me all the time...although it can be embarassing at times too.

• I love him because he lets me spend way too much money on flowers and decorations for my favorite seasons.

• I love him because he never gets angry when I make a stupid mistake.

• I love him because he'll do anything and everything to keep me entertained, even if that means just a drive around in the truck.

• I love him because he encourages my hobbies and dreams.

• I love him because he loves me. For me. No matter what. It's such an amazing feeling to go through life knowing that you have someone so great to share all of your good times and bad times with.

Forever

Waning and waxing; just like the moon.

Love follows the tides: In and Out, Up and Down.

I see you with new eyes. My heart skips when I hear your name and it flips when you walk into a room. Still. It took rationalizing, picturing and imagining walking away to tear away the last shred of life without you from my mind. And now I couldn't do it. Ever. I've lost all of who I am within what we've created. This life is the only one I know and what was before...well, it has vanished. There is no longer a 'me' and I no longer see a 'you'. There is only an 'us' and the rope that twines 'us' together is made of unbreakable twine. There's no seperating involved. It's impossible. The possibilities in the future are endless. The hopes for tomorrows are abundant. We are blessed. I cherish those moments that other's don't see; our morning devotional, our afternoon phone calls, our evening shower and our good night embrace. The love that has washed over our lives is not of this world. It is not explainable. It does not speak. It does not move. It simply binds and cleanses what is meant to be and what is meant to be is simply 'us'. Forever.

Perfection in this Life

I don’t have to be perfect to know that I could be. In this world of too big and too small, too fast and too slow, too rich and too poor…I still know that I am capable of perfection. Just not here.

Have you ever watched a flower unfold? My husband and I was invited over to our neighbors house one evening right as the sun was going down to watch the many buds growing slowly uncurl and then burst open into a beautiful, blooming flower. It was like birth. Something so small and incapable of much making it’s appearance to the world and becoming something beautiful to be admired and loved. It will grow and produce and then it will slowly begin to wither, losing it’s beautiful petals and then quickly fading away.

Just like life. Our lives. The lives of our grandmothers and grandfathers, mothers and fathers, sisters and brothers. The lives that will be our children’s and grandchildren’s. The cycle of life never ends.

But not without leaving something behind. Tiny seeds will fall and in the future, those tiny bits of nothing will turn into beautiful flowers just like the ones before it. Each flower will take bits of the last with it, it’s color and smell and attributes.

Just like us. We are constantly absorbing bits and pieces of the world around us. We learn from our parents and grandparents, our brothers and sisters and friends. We are constantly fed that there is a certain way of being and if we don’t conform to this, our lives will be unfulfilled and empty. It’s almost as if we think that if we don’t follow their lead, we will miss the meaning of life.

Sometimes adapting these attributes are a good thing: My father is honest. My brother never waivers from what he believes. My grandfather was a hard worker and my grandmother was a prayer-warrior. Other times they’re best left untouched: My mother was a manipulator. My sister constantly lives in fear. My best friend will never admit when she’s wrong.

In this life of constant influence, we have to pick who we will be, who we want to be around us and what attributes are best adapted or discarded. The lives of our children, our grandchildren and those after us will depend on our decisions. Our daughters will respect themselves as much as we do, our sons will learn confidence from watching their fathers. The future weighs constantly on our shoulders and although we can not perfect ourselves in this life, God will not fail to one day show us where we have failed when we could have succeeded.

‘Be strong in the Lord and never give up hope. You’re going to do great things, I already know. God’s got His hand on you so don’t live life in fear. Forgive and forget but don’t forget why you’re here. Take your time to pray. These are the words I would say.’

Fearless: Remembering 9/11

Today we take time to remember the tragedy of the attacks of our country nine years ago. I've thought about it a lot myself. I remembered this little tid-bit from the publisher on Max Lucado's book 'Fearless' and thought it was a great way of looking at today.


"Each sunrise seems to bring fresh reasons for fear.

They’re talking layoffs at work, slowdowns in the economy, flare-ups in the Middle East, turnovers at headquarters, downturns in the housing market, upswings in global warming. The plague of our day, terrorism, begins with the word terror. Fear, it seems, has taken up a hundred-year lease on the building next door and set up shop. Oversized and rude, fear herds us into a prison of unlocked doors. Wouldn’t it be great to walk out?

Imagine your life, wholly untouched by angst. What if faith, not fear, was your default reaction to threats? If you could hover a fear magnet over your heart and extract every last shaving of dread, insecurity, or doubt, what would remain? Envision a day, just one day, where you could trust more and fear less.

Can you imagine your life without fear? "

How amazing it is that we can live without fear through our amazing, powerful God! I haven't read 'Fearless' yet, but I'm looking forward to picking it up in the future. I bought my husband the new Switchfoot this week (via the photo) and one of their songs reminded me so much of today. It's called 'The Sound'.

The static comes in slow
You can feel it grow
Our stream of conscience flows
Under the streets below

The rivers made of sound
Still running underground
Runs like a silent flood
We run as thick as blood

Can you hear it rise
Up from the ground?
Can't drown it out
Can you hear it now?

This is the sound
Of a heartbeat
This is the sound
From the discontented mouths
Of a haunted nation

We are the voice of breaking down
Can you hear me?

This is the sound
Of the desperation bound
By our own collision
We are the voice of breaking down

The static comes alive
Beneath the broken skies
John Perkins said it right
Love is the final fight

Let it rise above
Rise above
There is no song
Louder than love

Let's remember today knowing that we can live without fear and cling to the hope that there will never be a song louder than God's love.

Get Behind Me

'Get behind me, Satan!!' I've found myself saying this many times this week. He has been nipping at my heels every second that he possibly could. My prayer every morning has been for patience, kindness and love to fill my heart. It has been that gossip would not fall on my ears and that my mouth would speak evil of no one. It has been that others would see me as a gentle, positive person, excluding all negative aspects from their view and mine. It has been hard. Everything has went wrong. Too many people coming to me to vent, to gossip...

No coffee filters. Toliets stopping up. Drains overflowing. Orders being wrong. Shipments not arriving. Stock running out. People running late. Long days. Late nights. Early mornings.

Every day: 'Get behind me, Satan!' It has been such a long week but God carried me through and although I am tired, I know that He will never allow more to fall on my shoulders than what I can hande. I will continue to pray for patience, kindness and love...no matter how rough of a week that Satan will dish out to me.

Lucky

So we lit some candles.
Ordered chinese in.
And we talked.

We talked about the future.
How unknown it remains.
We talked about the past.
And how it's unchanged.

I cried.
We laughed.
It was perfect.

This is the life I dreamed about as a little girl.
I am so, so lucky.

Thirst

"How in the world can a person be born, be educated, fall in or out of love, have a job, be married, give birth, raise kids, see death, cry, scream, giggle, drink, eat, smoke, climb up or down the ladder, retire, and die without ever asking why? Never asking "Why am I here?" Or, worse yet, asking why and being content with no answer. The most deadly trick of Satan is not to rob us of answers. It's to steal our questions."

- Max Lucado

I've fallen in love with Mr. Lucado lately. The Troy Library is missing most of his books because they are piled on the coffee table, the back of the couch, the end table and the floor next to my side of the bed. I've had a thirst that is just unquenchable. I want more. I need more. There is something great coming, friends. God is preparing me. I can only imagine what for, but I am excited. And a bit scared.

Be prayerful, please. And read that quote again, it's pretty powerful.