Who Am I? - How do my roles in life affect me?

Who Am I? - How do my roles in life affect me?

What roles do you play in life? We all have a mile-long list of roles that affect who we are and how we live and enjoy our lives. Some roles affect us more than others and those are the roles that we tend to fill most often and are most important to us. Roles often define us as a person, although they should just be an extension of our persons. While they may play a huge role in who we are, we have to be careful that they don't overtake who we are completely.

So what roles do you play in life? To be vague, I am a mother, a wife, a granddaughter, a sister, a daughter, a daughter-in-law, a friend, an aunt, and an employee - just to name a few of the most important. The real question is, how do these roles affect who I am?

With a role comes expectations, some realistic and some not. As a mother, I expect myself to be loving, calm, cool, collected, encouraging, the voice of reason, a rock for my children, the disciplinary, fun, educational, comforting, enthusiastic, the boo-boo fixer, a cook, (just to name a few!) while still fulfilling the other roles I play as well. As a wife, I expect myself to be sexy, confident, loving, loyal, encouraging, a confidant, fun, exciting, a partner, a friend, a cook, and so many others!

You'll notice that within a role, there are many other roles. As a mother, I often play the role as cook, teacher, nurse, and cheerleader, just to start. It can all be overwhelming at times! In order to discover who we really are, I think we have to dissect these roles and separate the expectations that are necessary and realistic from those that just aren't.

Make a list of roles that you play and then write the expectations that you (and others) associate with that role.

As a mother, I find it necessary and realistic to be loving, to be comforting, to be encouraging, along with several others. But once I think about it, I realize that I can't always expect myself to know all of the answers (educational), to be a gourmet cook, to be fun all of the time (I AM the parent!) and to fix every boo-boo (most I hope, but not all!).

If I beat myself up when I fail at these expectations, I am taking who I really am and attempting to force myself into someone that I am not. Therefore I must learn to accept that I expect more from myself that what I can sometimes offer and instead of setting myself up for failure, I must reshape the expectations of these roles into something realistic and necessary.

By doing this, I may even realize that I am trying to fulfill roles in my life that are unrealistic and completely unnecessary, roles that do not fit who I am or who I am even expected to be. My guess is that these roles may even be the ones that stress me out the most! Sometimes if the shoe doesn't fit, you have to quit getting blisters and just throw it out!

What roles do you play in life? Do you have unrealistic expectations when it comes to these roles?

(You can read the first post in this series here.)