I'm in the mood to write today. I have a screaming headache, the house is half-way clean and I just don't feel like moving, so why not, right?
Does your mind ever wander back to people you knew, once loved, once thought you loved, once loathed, once wished you could be them...etc? I was thinking today about how crazy our teenage hormones must be in order to convince us that we are 'head over heels' in love and that 'there will NEVER be another' when we are dating in high school. At least mine were - maybe I'm the only one.
I thought back to a couple of guys in particular. Brandon - my first real boyfriend, and John - my 'he's the one' boyfriend.
Brandon and I went to middle school and high school together. We had similar friends and found ourselves around one another a lot. One day in computer lab, I passed him a note (folded all neat and wrote in hot neon gel pens) saying that I wanted to ask him something. I wasn't going to ask him out, I don't remember what I was going to ask him, but when the note was returned to me it said something like 'Don't ask, let me - Will you go out with me?'. Sweet, right? I said yes. I hadn't actually thought about going out with him, but hey - a guy was interested in me and there was NO way I was going to pass that up! We dated all of 8th grade and most of our freshman year with a lot of small break-ups in between. I remember thinking that he was the only thing in this world that mattered to me. I cried when he went away for two weeks in the summer (God forbid I spend a minute without him) and when we broke up for good, it was so dramatic that it split our group of friends in two.
He was my first real kiss, my first date, my first dance...and I will always remember him because of it.
John is one of those bitter-sweet memories. John and I met by a chance while he was visiting from Michigan. He was four years older than me, super hot and super sweet. We hit it off instantly and spent one week during the summer between my freshman and sophomore year in a whirlwind of emotions. Most people would call it a summer fling and quit, but I'm not quitter and John and I dated long-distance for three very long years. He made the trip down a couple of times to see me, and I made the trip up once, but our relationship mostly consisted of long phone conversations and AIM chats. Again, we broke up and got back together several times. I dated a guy once between our break-ups, but mostly I spent my entire high school career pining on someone who lived far away. When I turned 18, he moved down to Ohio. We went to my senior prom together, got engaged, and started planning a life together. Within a few months our relationship completely fell apart. He'd cheated on me, my grandmother hated him, his parents hated me - it finally became clear to us that we would not work. After four years, a lot of tears and wishing, we finally broke up for good. He returned to Michigan and eventually we quit talking all together.
John did teach me a few things: how to drive, how to be independent and hold my ground, when to let go, and how to tell the difference between love and lust. For that I will always be grateful.
Que another insignificant guy or two or three - then Jeremy comes in and love blossoms into something wonderful and beautiful. I look back and I have to wonder what in the world was wrong with me. If I could give myself a good talking - boy, would I! My hope is that when my children start dating, I'll be able to give them some guidance (good luck, I know) and teach them how to follow their hearts while using their minds.