It's taken me a little while to realize it, but I've become quite happy and content with life lately. I was reading back on some of my posts this morning, remembering how it felt to want a home so badly, to want to be a mother and to have a 'perfect' life... and I looked around and realized that I had it. Every last bit of it. It's funny how that happens... you spend a good part of your life wanting and wishing and hoping and praying for the things that you just can't seem to wait for, and then when you get them, you're thankful for a little while and then just move on to wanting something else.
I don't want to be constantly wanting more. I want to feel like I've been blessed beyond my wildest dreams ALL of the time. Content and happy with what I have because it's so much more than what most have.
What does my heart desire most right now?
Well, a second baby, for sure. Perhaps a new job opportunity that allowed more family time while still allowing us to go without childcare. The siding to be complete. A new vehicle that will allow me more room. To be at my goal weight.
Yes, all these things are things that I want.
But I have one baby who is healthy and happy and brings such joy to my life. If God wants to take his time blessing us with another, or chooses to never do so...that will be just fine. I'm still blessed beyond measure.
If I never switch jobs and this is the way things work for us until our children start school full-time, I will only have God to thank for the blessing of this time with them. It's more than what I could have ever dreamed or asked for.
The siding will eventually be done. We couldn't be more blessed than to have such wonderful friends who are willing to help us and show us how to do it. And if we can't figure it out, we've put money aside to pay to have someone else do it. So it will be done, eventually... I suppose I should pray for patience after thinking more about this one.
I have a wonderfully reliable car who has gotten me from one place to another over the years and given me very little problems. I have an even more wonderful husband who can fix anything and everything that could possibly go wrong and really, I don't NEED the bigger vehicle. It's just something that I really want. We are a 3 vehicle family - that's 2 or 3 vehicles more than a lot of families and I should just be happy because of that fact alone!
I can't wish myself into my ideal weight and I have been working hard to achieve it. But, even if I never do...I have a husband who loves me just the way I am, friends who do not judge because I wear clothes that are bigger than theirs, and a family who truly knows my pain. I'm not alone in this struggle and I've learned to love myself regardless of my size. That's the true fight - accepting and loving yourself regardless. I am blessed because I've already won the biggest part of this battle.
I can see why I would be so content. Even the things that I want, I could easily live without. I am so, so, so very blessed and I am thankful because my grandmother said it well; "When you forget where you've come from and WHO has blessed you with all of these things, when you begin to praise yourself, brag and be boastful about what have, that's when God will begin to find ways to remind you that it was HE who blessed you."
I agree. I so, so agree. It is not I who have accomplished these things, but GOD who has blessed me. And I must remember to be thankful.