Update

Henry is sick. I know I said this once today, but the poor guy has just felt worse as the day has progressed. I absolutely hate it. One of the worst feelings a parent can have is to sit and watch their baby suffer and know that there is not a thing in this world that we can do about it.

I won't lie, I do however, enjoy the cuddles.

I really decided to write this little post just to say THANK YOU for all the well wishes today. I got the job, although it wasn't the exact job I was hoping for. I think that this job will actually be better though, less work and less stress. I'll take it!

Hopefully this will free up more family time for Jeremy, Henry and I. If not, well...I'll just have to switch back to my current position.

In other news, this lovely bunch came from my garden this evening:

I may just have a green thumb after all!

Curiosity

"We keep moving forward, opening new doors, and doing new things, because we're curious and curiosity keeps leading us down new paths." - Walt Disney

What's Going On?

Well... I'll tell you what's going on. I am so busy that I barely have time to catch my breath.

No, seriously.

Henry has been attending Bible School this week. Okay, so he went once. Maybe we'll go tomorrow if we get the chance, I don't know. I honestly felt totally uncomfortable being shoved into a room with 3 other moms with baby girls a year younger than Henry. They didn't even have a story for them and to me, that isn't Bible School, it's daycare.

I have attended and photographed FOUR weddings in two months and I only have two of them edited. That's a LOT of photos, let me tell you. I've got to get on that soon.

My brother's wedding is one of those before mentioned weddings and it was...something. At least it didn't crash and burn like some people expected it to. I hope it works out, but I am not getting my hopes up. I ended up doing every last bit of the decorating within a two hour period. I'll eventually get around to posting photos.

I have two newborn sessions to do on Thursday. I cannot wait. I just love babies!

I have an interview today at work. Yeah, again... and guess what?! It's for the SAME position that I interviewed for last time. I'm not getting my hopes up because this is now the THIRD time I have applied for this position. The first two times they gave it to someone else and they did their computer training, and then showed up for one day on the floor. Both were never to be heard from again. Everyone at work (I seriously love my co-workers) told me that it served them well for not giving it to me, BUT, again, I'm not getting my hopes up. Whatever is meant to be will be!

Henry has a cold and did not sleep at all last night. I hate when he's sick but I wasn't feeling well either and it made for a really, really horrible night's sleep. He can never sleep when he's stopped up so he cries instead. I can't blame him, I feel like crying when I try to sleep and can't breath too. I'm hoping he'll feel better soon, we have big plans this week!

Friday we have a play date with miss Layla to help her mommy get ready for her BIG 2nd birthday party on Saturday. I can't believe our kiddos are growing up so quickly!

With that being said, Henry will turn two in less than a month. Someone please pinch me.

I have laundry, dishes and a ton of housework to catch up on. It seems like all I've done is run from here to there for the last month. Eventually things will slow down, but right now, we're all just trying to enjoy being busy.

Almost Two

Dear Little Bit,

Guess who is almost two years old??

You are!!

Seriously, where the heck did the time go? Two days ago you turned 23 months. I know that it sounds silly to say that, '23 months' but, I just can't help but clinging onto that last 'month' mark before the big day. I would feel really silly saying '25 months', so after this month passes, you'll be two...and then three, and then four and five and six... Oh geez, I don't want to think about it!

I just wanted to take a few minutes to let you know how proud I am of you. We kinda hit a rough spot there for a couple of months, you were constantly throwing temper-tantrums and I felt like every day was a success if I could just get through it without losing my mind. Mama has a bit of a hard time being patient sometimes, and I think that she may be a little (lot) crazy when it comes to it being just you and her all day long. But, like I was saying, you have made me so proud. You have been so good, you have listened, you have been kind and caring and so very helpful. We have played and laughed and learned together, it has been so wonderful.

You are also starting to talk. Well, kind of. I wish you were vocal, but I know that I have to be patient with you. Your daddy, after all, did not talk until he was 3! Either way, you are saying 'thank you' from time to time, 'eat' and some other small, random words. You love to read, however, and you will pick up a book and have Mama point out all the different pictures to you. Sometimes you'll even open the book and 'read' it to me; those times are my favorites!

There is no greater feeling in this world than the one that I get when I watch you smile and laugh and play. Anything that makes you happy, makes me happy...and I have the hardest time telling you no when it's something you want. I just love you so much, baby boy, and no matter how many months old you are, or years, you will always be that... my baby boy. No matter what life brings to you, or to me, or to us, I want you to know that of all the things I was sure of in this world, it was that you were the one thing that my heart always desired. Having you has made my life complete and I would be so lost without you.

I love you so.
Mama

Progress

I'm considering this blog post my 'break' for the day. Aside from digging out some Christmas lights at some point today, I'm officially DONE with all I can do here at home for this wedding. Here's what I've got so far:

Mason Jars for drinking and for decorations. I have three different sizes, the ones pictured here are for drinking and then I also have smaller ones for candles and larger ones for flowers.

One baked and decorated wedding cake, all completely homemade. I had to make a 11 p.m. run to the store last night just for butter to make all the icing. I know it's not perfect, but I think it turned out great.

Wildflower bouquets

. This is a very low budget wedding, so I told my brother that I could probably put together some decent flower arrangements for free if I just took a country drive and picked wildflowers. So that's exactly what I did...I'm thinking I'll buy a bunch of daisies or something and throw in too to make it pop a little more.

This is apparently a saying from the Notebook, "If you're a bird, I'm a bird." I wouldn't know, I hate that movie, but my brother says that this is their 'thing' so I took the time to figure out a way to incorporate it. I hope they like it.

Now that all of this is finished, I've got a bazillion other things to do today, including laundry and tackling the two sink fulls of dishes that I've created while baking. It's suppose to be almost 90 today too, so I was really hoping to take a dip in the pool before getting a shower and getting ready for work at 5. We'll see how it all goes. Now I've got to decide whether to attempt to talk my boss into letting me off on Sunday, or just calling off. Yuck.

Happy Friday everyone!

Wedding Bells

My brother is getting married in 3 days.

Don't worry, it's pretty much just as much of a surprise to me as it is to you. I think he just loves springing things on us last minute to avoid the negativity that can go with any sort of 'big' life event.

I, of course, have been asked to take the photos. I have no problem with that, they should have expected it regardless of whether they asked me or not. However, I'm now also baking and decorating the cake, putting together the flower arrangements, and doing all the decorations.

What was that? I need to just put my life on hold?? Oh! Okay! No problem!!

Sooo...I have all this to do on top of working this weekend. Although, I'm going to have to call off on Sunday. Trust me, it's easier just to call off than what it is to ask for it off, my work sucks like that.

Then I get an email this morning asking if I can do a last minute vow renewal on Saturday. It'd be twice what I'd make for the day at Lowe's for 1/4 of the time. It's super tempting just to call off Saturday too, ugh. I wish I could just get the ball rolling enough that I could quit this job. It would make life so much easier!

Happy Thursday folks, I have to get my house presentable before the little girl I'm watching today gets here! I hope she likes to bake!

Caution: Rant Ahead!

Yes, I know that things have changed. Yes, I'm aware that I'm charging the same as last year for half the amount of time. Yes, I know that you are not happy about the idea of not getting ALL of your images (unless you pay for them, which is unreasonable for me to ask, I know). Yes, this is totally, completely unfair to you, especially since you want everything for nothing and expect me to be able to live off of that. Yes, I get it... I totally get it.

Ugh. People annoy me.

Get Real

Am I the only mom, wife, and just woman in general who doesn't know HOW THE HECK these moms, wives, and women in general are getting things done? Seriously now. I think if you came to my house, you'd be in utter shock at the mess because (honest to God truth here) your home could NEVER POSSIBLY look that way. Seriously, that's how I feel most of the time. I almost always have dirty dishes in my sink, and my laundry is usually done, but it's rarely all folded, hung up, or put away, and as far as the house goes - well, I have a two year old who is constantly into things, plus two dogs...AND a husband. That husband happens to be a mechanic who is usually working on something dirty, even after he is home from work.

I have more dust bunnies than I can count, dirt, grass, dog hair, dirty dishes, dirty clothes, clean clothes piled in baskets, bills piled on the counter, coupons cut and scattered on the kitchen table, blocks all over the living room floor, and unfinished projects hiding everywhere in my home. It seems like the one thing that I'm really lacking is time to take care of it all. How the heck do they do it? Can someone lend me a clue here because let's get real, I can't be the only one out there whose home does not look immaculate all of the time!

Sick of It

Do you remember this sock commercial?

I loved this commercial from the start, I love the dad and son moment and I especially love the way the little boy says 'sick of it'. It's okay; you can call me weird.

'Sick of It' is exactly how I feel after the wedding I shot this weekend. I've been pricing my services extremely low for weddings because I have very little experience with weddings, don't have the right equipment, and I hate doing them. I tell every couple going in that I'm uncomfortable and inexperienced and they still ask. I don't think I'll be doing many weddings from here on out. I was so exhausted and stressed and spent by the time I got home on Saturday, that all I really wanted to do was sit down and cry. I had a headache all day yesterday and now I have 1000+ photos to go through, edit and organize. Ugh.

I think I'm going to have to put my foot down and quit with the weddings, or at least start charging WAY more. I just know that if it were me, I'd want someone capturing my big day who felt as if they could do it. Maybe one day I'll be there, but I'm not there yet.

Miss Layla is Two!

It's amazing how much our children change from year to year. Miss Layla is a month older than Henry (almost exactly a month) and has been a big part of our lives. Her birthday is in just a few days so we went out yesterday to try and get a few 2 year photos. Just look at how much she's changed!

A Very Good Thing

Perhaps it wasn't all the way it seemed. Sure, there were problems, tiny ones, stuck in the in-betweens of all the goodness that had been squeezed in the small space that remained between the two of them. But overall, overall, the problems were so small, so mini-scull and tiny, that they were almost obsolete, and most people never noticed them anyway. That was the beauty of it all. From the outside, and a lot of times from the inside, the problems weren't noticeable and there was this perception of perfection that surrounded them most of the time. They liked it that way, not that they minded the problems being seen, but they liked that they'd pulled so close together and worked so hard to squeeze out all the problems. In this case, suffocation was a good, good thing. A very good thing.

Seasons

Ecclesiastes 3:1: To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven.

I'm a true believer that there are seasons of life, times when everything goes smoothly, times when nothing seems to go right, times to be busy, and times to be lazy. In my mind, it's all part of God's huge, unknown plan.

I feel fairly certain in saying that just as spring moves into summer, I am moving from one season of life into another. I made a huge plate of monkey bread last night, and Jeremy and I sat on the couch and talked as we ate it and one of our main topics of conversation was me. I have been on the very edge the last couple of weeks, hormonal feeling, and just...strange. I'm not unhappy or depressed really, just not feeling like myself in any way. We tried to talk through what could be making me feel this way and we really didn't come up with a concrete solution.

Maybe God is just moving me in a different direction and this is His way of pushing me.

I've been mulling over some big decisions lately and I think it might be time to make them. I don't know what to expect from them exactly, but I think they're needed. The trick is just to trust God that they are lead by Him and not by me.

Tough Day

It's tough being a mama sometimes, seriously hard stuff, like...don'tknowifyou'llreallygetthroughthisday tough. But you do and when you do, you easily forget those tough days. That little hug and kiss and cuddle can make every hard day worth it. It sounds crazy to say it, because no cuddle, hug, or kiss is going to get me through most tough relationships, but it's just true when it comes to those little beings who are so much a part of yourself as you are.

This is where I am tonight. My Little Bit is cuddled up next to me, rubbing his sleepy eyes and this entire, tough day is just melting away. Thank God.

New Background

Henry was still just long enough to help model a new background. I love it and I especially love it because I made it myself and it only cost me about $3.00. Win, win.

I'm thinking about painting the backside a pretty turquoise and then creating a couple more in both a completely neutral pallet and a more boyish one. I'm attempting to get that studio space set up upstairs that I've been talking about for forever now. I figure, this is the next step for me personally.

I also bought a speedlight for my camera. This is going to be a huge game changer when it comes to low-light situations and events. I can't wait for it to get here, I have a lot of learning to do!

The Siding!

I totally realized that in all the hoopla of me being absent, I totally did not show you guys our newly sided house!

Ta-da!!

Striving

I've had a tough few weeks. Nothing is majorly wrong, it just seems like every time I turn around, someone else is being given an opportunity that I am working so hard for. I hate to say that, because essentially I'm just coveting others, but it's also the truth and I refuse to lie to myself.

We are pretty tight on money right now. After needing to fix a few unexpected issues while siding the house, needing extra material and even hiring on another person so that it would get done correctly, the siding job cost a little more than we were prepared to dish out. But...it's done, and it looks fantastic and we love it.

BUT we (finally) canceled the cable, cut back on some unneeded groceries, and are in major saving mode now.

Of course, this all comes at a time that I've been working my butt off to save extra money in order to expand my photography business and equipment. All the money that I thought I would be able to spend? Well... it's going elsewhere right now and as much as I hate that, I have to accept it. It's necessary.

I try to remind myself that I still have it so well, regardless. I have exactly seven loyal customers that I know would never let another photographer even come close to them. I have an assistant. I have my camera, my three precious lenses and a handful of random props that I have scoured garage sale after garage sale for. I have the time spent during the week with Henry while I'm not working another job, and that alone should be worth it all.

Still, it's hard to see other photographers grow and expand so much at times when I know that it's directly related to the amount of money they are able to put into their business that I just don't have. I know that sound selfish, and it is, but it's still hard.

Sorry for the negative post, but sometimes it feels good to vent. And I have to say, I do feel a bit better now that it's off of my chest.

My First Garden

Bell peppers, gourds, corn, sunflowers, green beans and tomatoes: I'm so proud of my (first) little garden.