Friday, August 23, 2013

Five Minute Friday: Last

I often wonder what would happen if I fell so hard and so deep one day that my husband, my friends, my family, the people that I love, would not love me anymore. I have heard the warning from my husband time and time again, "I can forgive anything, Jennifer, but not that one thing, if you do that to me, I'll walk away and never look back."


I understand, I do. Forgiving someone if they betray you is hard, especially if you've trusted them with everything that you are. But I've done it before, time and time again. I suppose my forgiving heart does not understand how you can not give someone a second chance if they mess up.

No matter what they did.

It's not like this is a huge concern in our relationship. I can't see myself ever straying away from my husband for a fling or even for something 'deeper'. And I can't see him straying either. I like to think that since marriage, I've become very good at seeing all other men as just men, and my husband alone as my mate; the person God made for me. But everyone makes mistakes and I sometimes worry that one day I will make that one last mistake that will cost me everything.

I often want to shake my husband when we get to talking and he says something like this to me that God commands us to forgive. Seven times seventy times. That's a LOT. Selfishly it's for my own reasons because I would never want to lose him, no matter how badly I had hurt him.

I know it's odd that things like these linger on my mind. But I suppose I like to know and be prepared for all situations in life. When he asks me the same question my answer is simply this: "It would be hard to trust you again, but I would forgive you."

My heart aches with the question: why won't he do the same for me?

The one comfort that I do have when thinking on tough situations like these is that God would forgive me. There is no one last mistake with God. If we're broken and sincere and truly sorry for the sin we've committed, God will come running to our aid, wrapping his arms around us and ushering us into his house of forgiveness and love. His love is just that true and strong.


  1. Wow. Heavy topic.

    I have said the same thing to my husband in the past. "If you ever do THAT, I'm done." So I think I may understand where your husband is coming from. For me, it absolutely comes from a place of past hurt. And lost trust.
    But I also wonder if I really mean it...
    I've said it, I think, to emphasize just how deeply and sharply he would hurt me if he ever did that.
    But I love him more than I've ever loved anyone. The boy that cheated on my before: he was just a boy. I thought I was in love with him, but it was just lust and naivete. With my husband, it's real, God-ordained love. The kind that makes me worry deeply about his heart and his well being.
    If he ever cheated on me, I would be wounded. But I think I would know that he was, too.
    I'm still not sure how I would react. I'm not sure I could trust him again. But writing this to you now is making me believe that I would try.
    Now, here's praying that neither of us ever have to test this one out.

    1. I pray neither of us will ever have to test it out as well! I do not dwell on thoughts like this, but, we did have this conversation not long ago after discovering that a close friend cheated on her husband. We have a completely different viewpoint of things, and it's easy to say we'd do one thing, but it's hard to actually know how we'd react in the situation. Thank you so much for sharing your heart and thoughts with me today.

  2. Thank you so much for being brave and sharing this post. Maybe we all have that one breaking point, hopefully we never have to learn what that point really is. Like you said though, thankfully we have a God that loves us unconditionally no matter what.

    1. Thank you for sharing your thoughts with me as well! It is true, we all have a breaking point, and I suppose we will never really know how we will react until we are put in that situation.

  3. Wow. Thanks for your vulnerability here, Jenn. You're so right - God's love IS that true and strong. Stronger than our deepest failure. May you sense His love covering your heart today and find a renewed sense of safety and security in Him.

    Your heart is so precious to Him.

    (Stopped by from FMF)

  4. Thank you for sharing this, it took a lot for you to do it. Hugs!


You don't know just how lovely you are...thank you.