Five Minute Friday: Write

Writing has been something that I have loved to do since I was a little girl. For as long as I could remember, words (in all forms) have been more important to me than other things. There's something about taking the time to sit and let your thoughts and emotions run from your mind and heart and onto paper or screen.
It's like magic.
That's the only way I know how to explain it. When you take out the pressure of writing, the need to impress, or the desire to entertain, you're left with the raw pieces that make up who you are. Who you really are, not just who you're hoping to be. That's magical.
In a busy world, we can often lose ourselves in our daily chores, or caring for our children, or making our way up the corporate ladder, or just giving of ourselves however that we've found ourselves fit.
Writing is a way to escape that. To sit with yourself and have a cup of coffee and get back to the basics of yourself as an individual, writing is an escape.
I can't imagine my life without it.

Five Minute Friday - Encouragement

If you want to be put down, let down, told that you're not good enough - I'm sure you can find plenty of people to help you feel that way. Some of us wouldn't even have to go any further than our own bathroom mirror.

Life can be so hard. There are those moments that you are at your highest high, on top of the world, celebrating all that life has to offer...and then there are times that you are so low that you can't even see the top of the hole, lost in the darkness, cold and so very alone.

In comes encouragement - in the form of a smile, a letter, a best friend's hug.

It'll wrap around you like a warm and familiar blanket; lifting your spirits and comforting your soul. It will help you out of your hole and begin to push you back up to that high place in your life.

Encouragement.

It can heal a broken heart and be the final push you need to finally step out of your comfort zone. It helps you grow and prosper and live to your fullest.

We cling to those people who encourage us the most because we need it to thrive. We need people there who can help us back up when we're down, and push us when we're on the edge of something great but too afraid of that final step.

Be that person for someone today. There is plenty of disappointment in the world, but there will never be enough encouragement.

P.S. - These Ripples & Waves now has a Facebook page! Go like it here.

Five Minute Friday - See

I haven't seen any of them in so long that it almost feels like I'm a complete outcast just peeking in to a secret family life. I know that I'm still a 'part' of this family, kind of, at least by blood, but then on the other hand I know that I am absolutely no part of it at all.

See, I have made this choice for myself to step away and it's not for any other reason than the fact that I don't want to get hurt. And I don't want Henry hurt, especially.

Still, it hurts to see photos of them all together and yet, I am missing, and it's like they don't notice at all.

It's hard but I think it's worth it, and this is my hope.

My grandmother tells me that her prayer is that we will all be able to be a part of one another's lives again, that I will have the opportunity to pick up the phone one day and call any of them just to say hi, or ask for advice, or share something going on in my life.

The hardest part about my life, as a woman, as a wife, as a mother, may just be the feeling that no one sees me. I sometimes feel like a ghost in this world: completely and utterly alone, screaming never to be heard.

There is literally only one person, outside of my husband, that I can turn to at any time. And I know sometimes my husband feels tired and strained with the weight of having to carry his wife through everything all of the time.

I have great in-laws, but five years into our marriage and they're just now starting to feel like my family and not just a family that I was brought in to. Not that they weren't always welcoming, but these things take time.

I wish I could say that things will change, but I am not good at this. I am not good at making friends. I am not good at opening up. I am not good at going with someone with my problems because I have been taught my entire life to keep them in. Mostly, I'm not good at putting myself out there...again. I don't want to be hurt. I've been hurt so much and it just doesn't seem fair.

I wish someone could see into my soul and know exactly how it feels, but they can't, and so until then I will only pray that one day it may all change, and keep moving forward the only way that I know how: with my head up and my hopes high.

Now head on over to Lisa-Jo's and link up yourself!

Five Minute Friday: Laundry

We all know the routine: wash, dry, fold, and repeat.

Laundry never ends and it never minds waiting on us either. No matter how busy we are, or how much we ignore the looming (and growing) pile in the corner, laundry will always be there.

I once worked at a little coffee shop in downtown Troy that had a lot of 'regulars'. These people were as diverse as each snowflake in the middle of a snowy winter and each had their own unique story (and favorite drink). But I got to know quite a bit of them pretty well and even now (almost 4 years later) I still see a few of them from time to time. I miss their stories and their faces, but I haven't forgotten their wise words or how it made me feel to listen to what each of them had to say.

I was talking with one of them one day, an older lady who worked for the city. She had been fighting cancer but you would have never known, she was always so well put-together and had the most gorgeous silver hair. She liked hot green tea in the morning, not coffee, and the subject of laundry came up. She had three grown boys and told me they spent a many years 'living off the pile' because sometimes life is just too busy for laundry.

And I've never forgotten that. Or the term.

We often 'live off the pile' at our home. Not because I'm too busy to do laundry, or to put it away, rather, but because life has too much to offer sometimes to stay focused on the little things. Our house could almost always use a good cleaning and there is almost always laundry waiting to be put away. But you know what? I don't think I'll ever look back and say 'I wish I had done more laundry'.

The one thing that I carried away from my conversation with this sweet old lady was that it was okay. It was okay to 'live off the pile 'sometimes, and it was okay to let the housework fall to the side in order to enjoy this time in my life. My son will only be this age once and when he's moved out of the house and on his own, I have a feeling that I'm going to miss that looming pile of laundry in the corner.

Five Minute Friday - Ordinary

The problem, the elephant in the room, was that they all knew that they had let the ordinary mask the extraordinary - every day life in the way of all the small, important moments that should never have been taken for granted.

Now it was too late.

They stared at the future with a sort of knowing, a longing, for the days and hours and events that he would not be there with them. Knowledge that one day they would stare out a window and think of what it would be like if he was there instead of gone away from them.

Regardless of where he may be, of the celebration of life lived, of comfort from friends, of memories from past days, things would never, ever be the same. They would not be the same.

As they sat in that dark, lonely living room, each solemn face knowing, they wished so much to speak of the truth, but each was afraid of the breaking, the shattered pieces, that the truth may bring.

This may be 'see you later' but it felt way too much like goodbye.

They did agree on one thing - that the ordinary had masked the extraordinary, and if they could do it all again, they would have never taken such an extraordinary, unique soul, for granted.

And so the lesson is left for each of us to learn...

Five Minute Friday: Write

I've always loved to write.

I think a huge part of my love of writing is the simple fact that I find life too short to drag down the good days with bad feelings. Writing is my outlet, my way of discarding any and all negative thoughts onto a piece of paper and then watching it disappear when I wad it up and throw it in the garbage. It's 100% stress-relief for me.

I hate to admit it, but there have been times when I've allowed my writing to become focused on things that are not important. Things like view numbers and comments and followers. Things that I think will entertain others despite the fact that they lack so much of myself. I've tried my best to resist the urge to just post so that I'm posting or to write just to say that I've been writing.

Writing is an extension of my soul, and when I write, I want it always to be so that I'm exposing parts of myself that are otherwise hard to see.

My prayer is always that I can encourage someone else through their journey by telling my own. To lift up and be a friend to those who feel as if they're walking completely alone. I've been there and it's down-right hard.

I write so that those who read will know that they are loved and needed and enough. You've got this, girl. And when you don't, I'll help you carry the load.

Five Minute Friday: True

She kept her true self hidden behind the layers of self-doubt and discouraging ideas that over the years had convinced her that when discovered, she would not be enough.

Standing in the corner she watched as her fears swirled and danced and laughed through the center of the room, stealing her dream to wear a crown and be the princess that she had always longed to be. They taunted her from afar, whispering behind masks the familiar lies disguised as truths: smart, pretty, funny, brave, strong - you will never be enough.

The tears build at the corner of her eyes as the fears attempt to take hold at the center of her soul. She is shaken but she will not be broken and defeated by the voices, the fear. Breathing deep, she lifts her head high, straightens her crown, and allows her true-self to shine through.

A silence surrounds her as the fears that once danced and laughed scatter into dark corners, her voice echoes, strong and bold, through-out the room: I am enough.

Five Minute Friday: She

She falls from grace on a weekly, daily, hourly basis. With a deep sigh and a heavy heart, she pulls herself back into the presence of the only One who can take her broken mess and turn it back into the beautiful whole that He meant it to be.  Patiently she waits while He pieces the tiny parts back together, needle and thread working diligently as the healing washes over her time and time again. He whispers sweet words of love, deep and unending, encouragement, and hope as the arms that support the world wrap themselves around her, just her, and remind her that she is really this special. Tears of thankfulness and joy creep down her face as this grace overcomes all that she is.

She walks away with her head held high, ready to fight another week, day, hour. He knows that she will fall again, that she will fail again, that she will return to Him with the broken pieces, exhausted, tired, full of grief and regret, and yet He smiles at her as she walks away. He smiles because this is His daughter and He sees her heart and how it longs to please Him. He will mend and shape and allow her this love and grace as long as it takes because she is really this special, and He really loves her this much.

Five Minute Friday: Mercy

Mercy.

Forgiveness.

Love.

Hope.

Mercy.

I've spent a good deal of my day thinking about the word 'mercy' and what it means to me. I've sat and thought about the amazing grace that is mercy and the hope that is mercy and the love that is mercy and the forgiveness that is mercy, and still, I can't seem to gather my thoughts and type words (even for five minutes) that would give mercy the credit that mercy deserves.

My life would be an endless hole of despair and doubt and every other bad and negative thing that your mind could imagine without mercy.

Mercy is second, third, fourth chances.
Mercy is hope when hope is seemingly impossible to be found.
Mercy is endless love, the kind of love that has no limits or expectations or doubt.
Mainly, mercy is completely and utterly undeserving, given freely and without expectations in receiving anything back.

Mercy may be one of the only true and selfless and love-filled action, thing, feeling, that exists in this world.

This is mercy to me and still, I feel as if I've let mercy down. When I think of the mercy that has been granted on my life, my soul, I am simply left speechless.

Five Minute Friday: Red

I don't even particularly like the color red, but when I think about my home and my life and my precious memories, it seems like red plays a prominent part of it all.

My first car was red. My prom dress - red. We were engaged beneath a little red bridge and had wedding photos taken there too. There were red poinsettias that I hadn't placed there on the alter as we exchanged vows. Red walls in our first apartment and a red truck that my husband loved to drive. Even now, five years from those 'first' reds, some of my favorite things in our home are red: the old sled that hangs on the wall with the red wreath and now the birdhouse that my husband bought me just yesterday, built from that same red wood from the bridge where we were engaged. Even our favorite sport's team is the Red's.

Henry loves the color red. Perhaps all this time, all this red, was just preparing me to have this perfect little boy who loves his red blanket, red ball, red tractor, red Mickey shirt...and I love him, little red nose and cheeks.

I suppose red isn't so bad after-all, and like all things, eventually I think I could come to love it.

Five Minute Friday: Worship

I've always found it easy to find God in the everyday, more so than sitting in a church-pew, or listening to the preacher preach. I find Him in the whisper of the wind or the warm sunshine on an otherwise cold day. I find Him in the blooms that pop up and reveal their beauty to us in the spring and the leaves that turn bright orange and yellow and red in the fall. I find Him in the gentle and slow fall of the snowflake, no two alike, individual in their own way. (Just like His children.)

God surrounds us and his blessings do too, if only we allow ourselves to see them.

There is no place like the ocean, to me, that He can be found. The waves crashing along the sand and the water stretching and stretching and stretching as far as the eye can see. This is where I feel as small as I really am and God begins to feel as big as He really is. Then the thought of all the animals, itty-bitty fish and huge whales, filling that water; it's humbling and being humble is the first step to worship.

Often a song on the radio will move me to tears long before a sermon could ever. The silent tug of the heart pulling me closer into God's arms and whispering the sweet nothings of want and love and forgiveness as those words set to melody wash over me.

This is worship. Simple. Complete. My God as big as my God can be and me here humbled and in complete awe of His love for ME.

Five Minute Friday: Last

I often wonder what would happen if I fell so hard and so deep one day that my husband, my friends, my family, the people that I love, would not love me anymore. I have heard the warning from my husband time and time again, "I can forgive anything, Jennifer, but not that one thing, if you do that to me, I'll walk away and never look back."

Ouch.

I understand, I do. Forgiving someone if they betray you is hard, especially if you've trusted them with everything that you are. But I've done it before, time and time again. I suppose my forgiving heart does not understand how you can not give someone a second chance if they mess up.

No matter what they did.

It's not like this is a huge concern in our relationship. I can't see myself ever straying away from my husband for a fling or even for something 'deeper'. And I can't see him straying either. I like to think that since marriage, I've become very good at seeing all other men as just men, and my husband alone as my mate; the person God made for me. But everyone makes mistakes and I sometimes worry that one day I will make that one last mistake that will cost me everything.

I often want to shake my husband when we get to talking and he says something like this to me that God commands us to forgive. Seven times seventy times. That's a LOT. Selfishly it's for my own reasons because I would never want to lose him, no matter how badly I had hurt him.

I know it's odd that things like these linger on my mind. But I suppose I like to know and be prepared for all situations in life. When he asks me the same question my answer is simply this: "It would be hard to trust you again, but I would forgive you."

My heart aches with the question: why won't he do the same for me?

The one comfort that I do have when thinking on tough situations like these is that God would forgive me. There is no one last mistake with God. If we're broken and sincere and truly sorry for the sin we've committed, God will come running to our aid, wrapping his arms around us and ushering us into his house of forgiveness and love. His love is just that true and strong.

Five Minute Friday: Small

It really is the small things in life that matter. Life has been so very busy lately that it's actually been easier to enjoy the little, small things that we often miss when we become wrapped up in ourselves or the things that (be honest) don't really matter.

I've truly enjoyed the weather the past few days. The sun has been warm but the breeze has been cool and I can't help but be moved by the spirit of change as summer begins to fade and autumn begins to approach. I made a promise to myself a few weeks ago that I needed to find the things that really, really matter and focus on them and forget the rest. And I have. And it's been heaven.

Things like Henry's perfect little smile when he wakes up in the morning and sees my eyes open, or that little laugh when I tickle his sides. Things like a warm tea in the morning to start my day and a devotion in the evening to end my night. We've been twice to the fair and I breathed in deep the smells and the sounds and the sights of the children, mine included, taking in the wonders of new animals so close up and their sounds, rides zooming past, and lights flashing. The world is a magical place when you stop to see it the way they do.

There has been temptation to curl up on the couch and click through the television for a day or focus completely on myself and my projects, but I've found that using my God-given talents in service for my son and my husband has been more rewarding than anything else I could do. It makes me happy to know they are happy and well taken care of. Being a wife and mother is not a small job, but if I focus on the small things I can do as a wife and mother for my son and husband, they can have a BIG impact.