Provide a Way
Because Lauren is so right, and you need to take the time to write even when you don't feel like you have the time or anything to say, I'm writing today.
We went to church Sunday morning. We got up, I put on one of my favorite dresses and Jeremy put on one of his favorite polo shirts, we let Henry sleep in a bit late and woke him up just in time to throw on his Easter best and then out the door we went.
I had to request the day off and use vacation time just so I knew I could go...
We picked up Jeremy's parents and then met his sister and her two kids in the parking lot. The service was held at the school because the service is really that big on Easter. That's amazing to me...and it made my heart and soul smile.
I should say: I'm still not sure about this church. I really haven't been able to research enough to find fundamental beliefs, and the nitty-gritty of whether or not it's a fit for us. But every time I go, my soul feels filled and that may just be the most important part.
I miss church like...well...I don't know what it's like. It's like forever losing a soul-mate, or misplacing your wedding rings, or having a friend move across country who you spent every moment with. It's kind of like that. Like...part of you is missing.
I truly believe that you can worship God anywhere. And that a belief can be strengthened simply by reading deep into His Word, prayer, and living by faith. But...there is something about gathering together with others to worship that fills your heart with strength and your soul with peace.
I miss that so very, very much.
As I stood in the foyer Sunday (I had to take Henry out), listening to the final bit of the message and the alter call, my prayer was simple and perhaps one of the most heart-felt I'd ever prayed:
Lord, please provide a way.
And as I write those words, it brings tears to my eyes because I want this so bad. I want to be back in fellowship with people who get it. They get our lifestyle, they get the ins and outs of living for Him because of Him, they get the need for church.
I know He will provide a way...and perhaps this season of life where 95% of my Sundays are spent at work is here just to remind me of why I need church and why I love church, and what it feels like to miss it.
'1 Corinthians 10:31 - So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.'
We are struggling with attending church due to Tanner working every Sunday as well. Not to mention it's difficult with a 3 year old who doesn't sit sill very well. I hope you find a way to make it work for your family soon. I agree it really is so uplifting and I never regret going.
ReplyDeleteYeah girl! I love what came out of just writing here - he will provide a way! Thanks for sharing your real, true heart.
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing, Jenn. I feel like fellowship in a church can provide SO much for a family. We have lacked that as well for different reasons and it does make me sad as well. Recently I went to a mom's group at a church with a lady I met here in Fort Collins and it was amazing to me that all these women get together and provide so much support and comfort for each other. And the whole church is like that - there is so much opportunity for fellowship for families. It was very eye-opening for me. When you say that you wish you could be around people who "get" you - I can totally relate. I feel like I have just been so independent for so long doing things differently than those around me, and it can be very tiring. I wish we had been able to be more involved in church as well up until this point! Ok, I'm done rambling...
ReplyDeleteI have always been jealous of those women who have a wonderful church support group. I hope I can find that one day too!
DeleteI am sort of in the same boat…I feel some sort of safety hear, so I will share. Seth is on thirds and works every Sunday, so he rarely attends church. However the kids and I go weekly to the same place we always have….but I have been visiting somewhere else and I really like it. I doubt I will move though while Poppy is alive….I know you get it...
ReplyDeleteYeah, I absolutely do! I hope it doesn't hurt your feelings to say, but I really could not see myself going back to the old church. I dreaded the conversation with my grandmother this year when I told her I was not going to be attending for Easter but instead going with my in-laws to my father-in-laws church. I just feel like the steadfast belief of every little detail of life being either right or wrong (maybe this just comes off this way to me) actually held back my growth in God. Like, I feel more free to grow when I don't feel judged for listening to contemporary Christian music instead of bluegrass gospel, ya know? I hope this came off the way I was hoping, and I hope that things work for you guys the way you are hoping too!
DeleteThough we have a church we attend weekly I've really been struggling… I used to LOVE church. It was my favorite place to go to finish up a week, and walking out feeling cleansed, refreshed, and rejuvenated was the best feeling. However, Marcus makes that time of week one of the most difficult… I can't remember the last time I walked out of church and knew what the message was. I know this is just a phase, but I miss that weekly connection that only a church can provide.
ReplyDeleteI'm praying for you - and that this is your church!! :)