Peanut

I'm just posting this here because I like the little widget for myself and I don't really want to put it on Facebook. Jeremy and I are very excited about our little peanut though!

In the year 2010

It's hard to believe that 2010 is almost over. I can't tell you what we did, or what we didn't do or what dreams we had hoped to accomplish and have yet to. Time moves so quickly and it's impossible to slow it down, as much as I wish we could. Tomorrow we celebrate Thanksgiving and I'm so very thankful for so many things, we are truly blessed beyond anything we could possibly deserve. We give all the glory to God, without Him we would be no where...and I assure you that Jeremy would say the same.

In less than a month Jeremy and I will celebrate our two year anniversary. What an amazing journey these two years have been! I wouldn't trade any of it for the world, through ups and downs, we have discovered the hidden sides of one another and it has brought us so much closer together. There is a secrecy about marriage, that look that's shared across the table, small gestures and phrases, things that no one else around you understands. I love that, having someone to share every bit of your life with with no judgement or misunderstanding. We get each other and that in itself is priceless.

We both started new jobs this year. Jeremy worked hard to get a place at Ray's Tune-Up and he's very happy there. I think his dreams are to do the same as the current owner did and work there until he can own the place himself. I love walking into those doors, I love thinking about how it's been 'handed' down and how a pattern has formed. I know my husband would keep that legacy going.

I just started working at the PictureMe Portrait Studios. I'm loving it so far although being dropped immediately into a management position has ruffled a few of my coworkers feathers. I'm sure everything will smooth itself over with time. It feels good to work again and it feels even better to know that the more effort I put in, the more I'll be compensated. It's not often that you find a place that works like that. I'm hoping in the near future to do more photography on my own outside of the studio.

As far as 2010 goes, things went pretty well. We both found jobs that we love. We finally got health insurance. We took a wonderful cruise and did some other traveling as well. We moved out of the city and into the sleepy village of Pleasant Hill, which I personally love. We've been to concerts and parties, made new friends and spent time with old ones.

One of the biggest decisions we made this year was to bring another member into the family. Little Mason will be one in January and he's grown sooo much. He's spoiled rotten. He sleeps right between us every night in bed and has the pleasure of going every where that we go (with a few exceptions, of course). He really is our kid and we treat him accordingly. Stinky on the other hand, still does not like his younger brother. Oh well, tough love!

With 2011 right around the corner, we've already started making big plans. We're hoping to buy a house and have been looking a lot lately. We're asking that we have a lot of prayer in this process because we've been saving for 2 years for this purpose and are hoping to avoid loans of any huge amount. We're also hoping to add another addition to our family...only this time the human kind. We're not exactly trying...yet. But we feel as if we're ready and we know the time will come soon. Prayers in this aspect as well, please! In the meantime we're focusing on our jobs, our lives together and perhaps another vacation. (We cant' stand to sit still long.) We hope that 2010 ends well for you all and that 2011 brings you great joy and peace.

I'm Letting Go...

You know that song by Francesca Battistelli? It goes:

'I'm letting go of the life I've planned for me and my dreams.'

That's where I'm at right now. Letting go and letting God, despite how much it hurts deep down to bury the things that I want the most in life. I found myself sobbing in the shower last night, praying and begging that God would just comfort my soul and relieve me of the hurt that was tearing at my heart.

It was silly, really...all because what I want in life right now is not in God's plans for me yet, or ever. That's all in his hands, in his control. And I was being selfish, petty. I was like a little child stomping their foot, demanding that I have it my way, right now despite knowing that Daddy knows best and what He says goes.

So I'm taking deep breaths, I'm praying for patience and knowing that with God at the wheel, I cannot be steered in a wrong direction. I know in the end I'll look back and be surprised that I was ever upset because Daddy knows best and for all I know, He has something great planned for me now...and those dreams that keep tugging at my heart, well, they just had to wait.

When God is in control..

About a week and a half ago my husband and I were attending our old church when a friend shared some very upsetting news with us. I didn't know what to say. I didn't know what to do. My first thought was to go, to help...but I soon realized that I was beyond helping. I was heartbroken. We both were.

We've thought about it a lot since then; the situation and our feelings surrounding it. We've talked about it almost every night and well, I think I've finally gotten my thoughts together.

We are too quick to judge.
We are selfish.
We have forgotten that GOD is in control!

All things work together for His greater good. Everything. Even this and all that led up to this.

I do not feel sorry for this man. My opinion of him has not changed. His own opinion has, I know...but I will always view him as a father figure. He will always be the man that I know he is in my mind's eye...and my husband's as well.

We all fall from grace. We all have battles that we feel we can not fight. I mostly wish I could tell him how much he means to me without it seeming like...sympathy, I guess. I'm at peace with it all at this point. I know that God will take care of him and all that he's been through. God loves him and so do I. I just ask that any and all who read this keep him in your prayers. I know he needs them and would appreciate them greatly.

Ah-ha!

I've had quite a few 'ah-ha' moments lately and I have to say, it's not so bad. Realization can be a really good thing. I'm very content with where my life is right now. It's pretty much fantastic, even on the bad days. I am so very blessed. God is so very good.

Day 40

"Of all the things love dares to do, this the ultimate. Though threatened, it keeps pursuing. Though challenged, it keeps moving forward. Though mistreated and rejected, it refuses to give up.

Love never fails."

After our little rough spot, Jeremy and I decided to challenge our marriage and read and do 'The Love Dare'. It's funny really, we watched 'Fireproof' (the book is the main focus point in the movie) before we were married and loved it so much that we used their concept of salt and pepper shakers as our topper for our wedding cake. Little did we know, we'd actually be doing The Love Dare ourselves not two years later.

Today was our last day.

It was quite the experience. Words cannot explain how doing this together has evolved our marriage from rough in spots to absolute bliss no matter the situation. We have learned so much and I love my husband for so many reasons...

• I love him because he reminds me every day that I am special to him. I am beautiful. I am loved and I always will be.

• I love him because he holds my hand everywhere we go, when we pray and when we're singing together at church.

• I love him because he shares everything with me, his secrets, his feelings, even things that I really didn't need (or want) to know.

• I love him because he does the dishes. Okay, I may even love him double for this.

• I love him because he understands how important it is to me to be a stay-at-home mommy one day. Even if that means us struggling to make it for awhile.

• I love him because he understands my desire to be mommy...and has done everything he can to make it happen soon.

• I love him because he always opens the car door for me. Sometimes he even buckles my seatbelt...but that's just because he's silly.

• I love him because he's silly. He always makes me laugh.

• I love him because he understands my crazy love for animals and that he's totally accepted the fact that our home one day will be packed to the gills with random cats, dogs, rabbits, birds, pigs...well, let's just say 'pets'.

• I love him because he lets me sleep on him while we're watching tv on the couch and he doesn't even change my show when I start snoring.

• I love him because he patiently explains things that I don't understand over and over again without ever getting annoyed.

• I love him because he kisses me and the doggie goodnight every night. He would kiss the cat too but the cat's not to fond of kisses.

• I love him because he goes to bed with me every night, even though I go to bed way early and I know he's not tired most of the time.

• I love him because he wakes up at the crack of dawn to kiss me goodbye and wish me a good day every morning. I know how easy it would be for him to just sleep in.

• I love him because he brings me home flowers, messages on pizza boxes and little trinkets all of the time to let me know that he was thinking of me.

• I love him because he brags about me all the time...although it can be embarassing at times too.

• I love him because he lets me spend way too much money on flowers and decorations for my favorite seasons.

• I love him because he never gets angry when I make a stupid mistake.

• I love him because he'll do anything and everything to keep me entertained, even if that means just a drive around in the truck.

• I love him because he encourages my hobbies and dreams.

• I love him because he loves me. For me. No matter what. It's such an amazing feeling to go through life knowing that you have someone so great to share all of your good times and bad times with.

Forever

Waning and waxing; just like the moon.

Love follows the tides: In and Out, Up and Down.

I see you with new eyes. My heart skips when I hear your name and it flips when you walk into a room. Still. It took rationalizing, picturing and imagining walking away to tear away the last shred of life without you from my mind. And now I couldn't do it. Ever. I've lost all of who I am within what we've created. This life is the only one I know and what was before...well, it has vanished. There is no longer a 'me' and I no longer see a 'you'. There is only an 'us' and the rope that twines 'us' together is made of unbreakable twine. There's no seperating involved. It's impossible. The possibilities in the future are endless. The hopes for tomorrows are abundant. We are blessed. I cherish those moments that other's don't see; our morning devotional, our afternoon phone calls, our evening shower and our good night embrace. The love that has washed over our lives is not of this world. It is not explainable. It does not speak. It does not move. It simply binds and cleanses what is meant to be and what is meant to be is simply 'us'. Forever.