Thursday, June 10, 2010

This I promise...

will make very little sense. But I'm okay with that. I just have that itch.

This week has been exhausting. My body is not used to working 10 hour days and my mind is not used to being in charge.


So very much of it. It's overwhelming. But I handle it well, if I can say so myself.

I was used to the running, the picking up where others failed to follow through. But there's more of that now.

I open at 5:30. By 7:30 I have turned on the lights, unlocked the doors, baked and topped 7 'gourmet' cakes, 3 brownies, 25 cookies. I've made 10 pots of coffee, cut tomatoes, onions, cucumber, filled salt, pepper, sugars, creamers. I've made out checks, filled the pop cooler, started the muffins. All while running register, making the drinks, running the food, cleaning the tables...and more, so much more.

Some how I'm capable.

That doesn't stop the exhaustion.

Sore. Numb.

It's 9 p.m. and I'm fighting sleep with all of my might. I remember looking at the clock at 5 and wondering how pathetic I would be if I just went to bed then. Now I have more motivation to stay awake. Jeremy should be home soon. I hope. I haven't seen him once today.

I got several compliments today. Several 'you're doing a great job'. Several 'I really enjoy you as my boss.'

But that puts fear in my bones. Fear that they'll end up hating me in the end. Because although I'm their friend...I am their boss. And I know how they are. I know how much they slack when no one is looking. I know because I've picked up that slack for months now.

Good. Evil.

I suppose I should pick my poison. I'm just tired. Two more day, two more days and then two off. I cannot wait.

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You don't know just how lovely you are...thank you.