The Struggle

When you open your heart, and your soul, and your day to God, you are sure to be ultimately surprised about what He may reveal to you. But be prepared...
Sometimes it's not always something you want to hear.
As a teenager, I was immersed in church and volunteering and being part of a youth group. I taught Bible school during the summers and a Sunday school class on Sunday mornings. I chaperoned as I grew a bit older when the youth went on trips and volunteered for everything that our church had going on. I knew my place and role and I played it well.
Since I married Jeremy, I've struggled a lot at finding my role as a Christian woman and wife.
For one, we can't seem to find a church that fits.
I miss the comfort and familiarity of a church where everyone feels like family and we have struggled for five years to find a church that fits us. Not only that, but I myself am struggling to figure out exactly what I believe.
I was brought up in a very southern Baptist way of believing where tattoos and alcohol and staying up past 10 (haha) was sinful. The only Bible you were to ever look at was the good old KJV and our preachers were 100% spirit lead and most of the time very hard to follow. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but as I've grown in my relationship with God outside of my home, I find myself thinking differently on some aspects.
It makes it hard because I have to start all over in finding a place that fits my beliefs but still carries some of the traditions and comfort that I'm used to.
Walking with God is not always a walk in the park, sometimes there are obstacles that we have to overcome and that's where I'm standing right now - in the midst of a storm where the road is hard to follow.
When I asked God in yesterday, He was not shy to reveal to me that I have stepped too far away from Him. Essentially he broke me down and showed me that I needed to trust in Him - in all things. That includes finding a church perfect for us. But with brokenness comes healing and that is where I am headed - towards His love and His comfort and His all-knowing power to send us in the right direction. Always.