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Showing posts with label trusting God. Show all posts
Showing posts with label trusting God. Show all posts

Tuesday, February 04, 2014

The Struggle

When you open your heart, and your soul, and your day to God, you are sure to be ultimately surprised about what He may reveal to you. But be prepared...

Sometimes it's not always something you want to hear.

As a teenager, I was immersed in church and volunteering and being part of a youth group. I taught Bible school during the summers and a Sunday school class on Sunday mornings. I chaperoned as I grew a bit older when the youth went on trips and volunteered for everything that our church had going on. I knew my place and role and I played it well.

Since I married Jeremy, I've struggled a lot at finding my role as a Christian woman and wife.

For one, we can't seem to find a church that fits.

I miss the comfort and familiarity of a church where everyone feels like family and we have struggled for five years to find a church that fits us. Not only that, but I myself am struggling to figure out exactly what I believe.

I was brought up in a very southern Baptist way of believing where tattoos and alcohol and staying up past 10 (haha) was sinful. The only Bible you were to ever look at was the good old KJV and our preachers were 100% spirit lead and most of the time very hard to follow. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but as I've grown in my relationship with God outside of my home, I find myself thinking differently on some aspects.

It makes it hard because I have to start all over in finding a place that fits my beliefs but still carries some of the traditions and comfort that I'm used to.

Walking with God is not always a walk in the park, sometimes there are obstacles that we have to overcome and that's where I'm standing right now - in the midst of a storm where the road is hard to follow.

When I asked God in yesterday, He was not shy to reveal to me that I have stepped too far away from Him. Essentially he broke me down and showed me that I needed to trust in Him - in all things. That includes finding a church perfect for us. But with brokenness comes healing and that is where I am headed - towards His love and His comfort and His all-knowing power to send us in the right direction. Always.


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Wednesday, January 23, 2013

Be Patient and KNOW that I am God!


We can all get frustrated with waiting for that next 'big' thing. When we're younger, we can't wait to turn 16, then 18. We can't wait to start driving, move out...get married. We can't wait to start a family, buy a home, get the big promotion we've worked so hard for. In all this rushing to get to the next 'big' thing, we can often forget that God has a plan for our lives and our plans do not always coincide with His.

We will cry out, pray, complain, wish, dream and just plain out feel fed-up when what we think should be happening just isn't. We are truly creatures of want; constantly wanting something more and more, no matter how blessed we are!

I am more than guilty of being a creature of want. Instead of praising God for what I have, I find myself often asking him 'why not now?' when it comes to what I THINK should be my next 'big' thing.

I have made it very known that Jeremy and I are trying to conceive and grow our little family from three to four. As I was making the hour drive home from my weekly trip to see my grandmother yesterday, Henry was snoring in the backseat and the radio was tuned to my favorite station, but my mind was elsewhere - talking to God. (God and I, we hang out in the car. I don't know why but that is OUR place!) I used to think that people were crazy when they would say 'God spoke to me..' and go into detail about what He would say. I always felt like God spoke to the heart and while you could have a feeling as to what He was saying, you'd never actually be able to cipher his exact words out of those feelings. So untrue. God can speak to you and while you may not hear an audible voice, it's very clear as to what He's saying.

So God and I were having a little chat and being the creature of want that I am, I was asking Him why it seemed like everyone else was getting pregnant but I wasn't. (Yeah, comparisons...already making a mistake there, right?) And as I was pouring my heart out about how badly I wanted another baby, I looked up and saw my sleeping beauty in the rear-view mirror and just stopped. And God said, "look at what you already have...quit working so hard towards the next and cherish this one for a little while longer" and I couldn't say another word. Thanks Father, thanks for putting me back in my place...



If we would quit focusing on the next big thing, quit wishing for more, dreaming for more...and focus on what God has given us already, we would be in a world of better shape. Faith includes faith in His timing, which is perfect timing. His ultimate plans are to grow us for Him and to Him and we must trust that His plans and His timing are what we need.

Today I'm praying to have patience and faith to trust God's timing. Completely.





Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Fear

Why are we so afraid of the truth? Why are we afraid to admit our faults so that we can find refuge in the knowing that we're not the only ones who fail?

I know that I am the most guilty in never wanting to be wrong. I will hide behind every wall that I can find before I'll step out and say 'it's me, I did it. I'm right here!'. Why is that? Honesty is the best policy after all and when I do get the courage from time to time to admit my fault to someone, they usually assure me that I'm not the only one and I walk away actually feeling better than I did before. So why do I yet remain so afraid?

I know that at times, I am terrified of judgmental eyes - because they are everywhere. They judge everything we do, everything we say, the way we dress, the way we walk, the cars we drive, the jobs we have and yet, we are so quick to judge and although there are many of us out there that pretend not to care, we do. We care more than what we should. The thing is, why should I care? I know how I will be judged in the end. I know that I have a heavenly Father who has assured me that I need not be concerned with these judgments in this lifetime, but instead cling to Him - doing what I know is right by His commandments. And I sure do try - not hard enough most of the time, but again, I'm afraid to admit that most of the time too.

Perhaps this is one of the strongest holds that Satan has on our lives, on my life. Does Psalms not tell us to seek the Lord and He will hear us and deliver us from our fears? Is this where I lack the most? Simply seeking God's guidance and comfort and love. Maybe the only thing keeping me behind a wall is my own lack of trust in the One that I've sworn to give all trust to.

So again I ask, why are we so afraid of the truth? Is it because we're less afraid of judgmental eyes, or more afraid of where we fall short in our own daily lives? Would we be less afraid if we learned to cling to God in our mistakes, confess and hand them over to Him? Would forgiveness find us more often if we were quicker to step from behind those walls and admit where we've fallen short, not only to those that we've wronged, but to ourselves as well? I think so. I think that God has given us instruction to do just that, and we have no excuse to let fear - of any sort - rule our lives. We know the One who controls all and if we're truly trusting in Him, there will be no more room for fear in our lives.

'I sought the LORD, and he heard me, and delivered me from all my fears. Psalms 34:4