Autumn

I love fall. I wait and yearn for the leaves to begin to change every year. The days are crisp and clean, there are bonfires and s'mores and good times with family and friends. Plus, it doesn't hurt that my birthday falls towards the end of October.

The days when the sun is shining and the wind is blowing are just perfect for walks through the woods or a picnic in the backyard. There are pumpkins and squash, hayrides and caramel apples. Life just seems to slow down a bit and I think we all need that from time to time.

A good slow down. A time to reflect on life, to meditate and to be thankful. One on one time with our Maker while he amazes us with the changes and bright colors that this season brings.

Adventures in Crocheting

I recently decided to take up crocheting. I don't know what people's usual reason is for taking up crocheting but mine was simple - I wanted to learn how to make all of these adorable hats for Henry without having to pay 20 plus dollars for one. I've always been one to take up little things like that anyway, it's that natural 'Suzy-homemaker' gene in me that I swear must mean I'm adopted. So I went out, I spent $2 on a hook and $3 on yarn and just started crocheting, looking up any and all information I thought I needed online and pinning it to Pinterest so it was easily located. (Have I mentioned how addicted I am to Pinterest, it's pretty much the most awesome site I've come across since Facebook or Flickr...seriously.)

So far I've made two hats and a scarf and surprisingly, they've all turned out really well. It wasn't until I was showing off Henry's little hats until I realized that people really love crochet hats. (Why this just came to me, I don't know. I mean, I love crochet hats!) I was even surprised to realize that it's not just women with little babies who like crochet hats - but people like my brothers like them as well. I now have a list of about 10 people who have requested that I make a crochet hat for them. Most are good friends and family so I wouldn't dream of charging them (besides, hello Christmas presents) but I think I may be on to something here. If other's can make a hat and charge 20 plus dollars for one. Why can't I?

So I'm going to spend the rest of this year practicing, making Henry little things and fulfilling the requests that I have had and then I think I may set up shop. I love etsy's website and it would also give me the opportunity to set up a few prints for sale as well. I've been looking for an opportunity to make a few extra dollars and I think this (and my random photo shoots) are a good start. Maybe one day we will find a way for me to primarily work from home and still bring in a decent paycheck. Maybe. I keep praying about it. I've also got a list of crafts (thank you Pinterest) that I think I could easily make and sell as well. I just have to get to it.

The hardest part is always starting, right?

When you don't know what to say...

Technology has really changed out lives, especially in the last 100 years or so. We have cell phones attached to our hips almost 24 hours a day, the internet to keep in touch with people all around the globe, video chats and picture messages... the list could go on and on.

Problem is, I'm not sure it's really a good thing. My grandmother tells me stories about when her brother went off to war. He was a hero in his time, he saved many of his fellow soldiers lives after being wounded himself. It's a great story but I'm not going to tell it. She says she remembers the heartbreak her mother suffered when Coy left. In those days, they didn't leave and come back here and there. They left and wrote letters and if something happened to where they couldn't write a letter here and there, they just didn't hear from them at all.

She says they received several letters and one telegram while he was away. The telegram was a simple message : Coy had been severely wounded. That was it. There were no updates on his condition, no more letters. One day, to the joy of those around him, he finally came home.

That was how war was back then. You sent your son, brother, husband off and just prayed that they returned. Now we have the internet to keep in touch, crazy long-distant phone calls and video chats. But when you're speaking to a loved one who is faced with the issue of war, what do you say?

I run into this problem almost daily. I'm blessed to have the opportunity to talk to my brother while he is on the front line in Afghanistan. But the things he tells me, the concerns and the worries he shares; I just don't have a response for. Every day I have to pray that God give me a mouth full of words that he needs to hear because I myself, just can not find them.

See my brother has a special heart. He has a heart of compassion and love and it's hard for him to turn that 'off'. Enemy or not. So this is harder for him than some. It's hard for him to grasp and it's even harder for him to do. I do my best to understand but I know I can't fully understand and I do my best to love him from afar, but even the deepest love is different at a distance.

I just pray that I can be the person he needs for me to be. I pray that he comes home alive and well and that he has a long life ahead of him yet. He's been there a month. An entire month. His first mission was canceled (Praise God!) and when it was rescheduled, they sent someone else out in his place. So far he has been extremely blessed. They have had contact several times with the enemy, the man that took his place on the last mission had the antenna on his back shot off...but he still came back safely. There was one incident with a roadside bomb...but again, every one came back safely. So I pray that things will continue this way. He said the next mission will be within the next couple of weeks. Still, I must praise God for all the good that has come so far.

Pretty Presets

Pretty Presets is having a contest today!

5 o' clock ramblings

I miss being pregnant. Yeah, I know I'm absolutely insane...but I loved having my Henry so close to me all of the time. I try to tell myself that I don't really miss it, I only think I do...I mean, I had so many complications and I was seriously absolutely miserable with itching at the end there. My delivery wasn't easy and if I were sane, I'd dread ever going through all of it again. But I don't. I just miss it and yet, I'm not ready for another. Jeremy is ready now but he will just have to wait, just awhile longer I think.

It's funny how your entire outlook on life can change in an instant. I am more aware than ever of how crazy messed up life can be and I wish with every fiber in my being that I could protect my children from it. Knowing that I can't is the hardest part. I understand now why parents retract themselves and their children from the world, sheltering them from what they don't want them to have to see. Unfortunately that just doesn't work or I would do it myself one day.

I still have mixed thoughts on homeschooling. I want my children to have a great education and I know that through patience and a lot of effort, I could give that to them at home but at the same time, I want them to have the social experience and be given the chance to be somewhat 'normal'. I'm just not sure how I can make both happen. I suppose we will cross that bridge when we get to it. Troy has a great Christian school. Perhaps that's the best possibility.

It's funny really. I've never been closer to my grandmother. I get where she's always came from on so many more things now. Jeremy's family however, think I'm crazy I know. I'm okay with that. They can have their opinions but I'm still going to do things in ways that I think are best. Of course there are times that Jeremy listens too closely, takes their opinion over mine and well, that hurts. But still, I will not waiver. I will raise my children to be respectful and kind, compassionate and thankful. I will whip them and his parents will cringe every time. But it's worth it.

Never Prepared

I learned this weekend that there is no possible way for me as a woman and a mother to prepare to leave my child behind. I thought that because I had told myself over and over that it was just a few hours and I would enjoy being away from the house, it wouldn't be nearly as upsetting to return to work. I was very wrong. I sobbed the entire day and then the entire drive there...but I survived. I am exhausted; both mentally and physically...but I survived. I know it will get easier and I'm going to hang on to that thought, but for now I'm just enjoying being next to my baby boy every minute that I can.

Bottles-R-Us

I've been so busy lately that I've gotten off schedule on pumping. When I came home from our labor day festivities last night I had just enough milk after pumping in the refrigerator to fill 3 bottles, which is good and all but usually I keep 3 filled and then have enough to fill 2 more - which is like 10 ounces - and then I freeze the rest daily. So I was 10 ounces off which is usually only a pumping away but for the last few days I was only producing 5 or 6 ounces when I pumped and considering I wasn't getting to pump very often - that was extremely bad. So today Henry and I are staying home in our pj's so we can build our milk supply back up - it's annoying and tedious and it really limits what I can do through the day but giving him breast milk for as long as possible is extremely important to me and I intend on continuing the process for as long as possible.

So we're out of milk (cow milk, not boob milk) and I have no idea what we're going to have for dinner, the medical record that I was suppose to go sign a release form for today is going to have to wait and daddy is going without lunch because we're not leaving this house today - instead we're watching The Secret Life marathon and relaxing while pumping. End of Story.

In other news, Jeremy and I are discussing the possibility of trying for Henry's little sister (We hope, haha) in the near future. I opted out on birth control at my 6 week check-up, although I've never used any and I still haven't had a period so we're just letting things take it's course. I would prefer to wait about a year myself before having another baby but if it happens sooner, it happens sooner. We've always wanted to have our children very close in age and so with Henry here, it only makes sense to have another - as crazy as it may seem. After a 2nd, I think we'll stop. I'd love to have more but unless we have another boy - I don't think we'll ever try for a third. It's just not economical. And even if we do have a boy - well, I'm okay with that. In my world, 2 momma's boys are better than one daddy's girl anyway!  =P