I was tempted this year to follow the Facebook trend of posting daily what I am thankful for but I resisted, I resisted because this time next year I cannot return to a list and see all that I was thankful for the year before like I can if I just post a full list here. Jeremy and I have sat down in the past and created a 'thankful' list, but considering that both he and Henry are passed out on the couch (I'm assuming it was the homemade pancakes I made for them this morning and the soothing band music from the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade that did them in) I am taking it upon myself to do it alone. I must say, however, that my list will be lacking. I have so much to be thankful for, so very very much!
I am thankful for God and His guidance in our lives, His mercy, love and for salvation.
I am thankful for Jeremy and his willingness to put up with my moody butt.
I am thankful for Henry and the joy he brings to my life every single day.
I am thankful for two pain-in-the-butt dogs who keep me company and are the best of listeners.
I am thankful that I live in America, where I am free to do and believe what I please without persecution or worry.
I am thankful for American soldiers who serve to keep our country free, especially my brother.
I am thankful for my grandmother, who taught me how to be a respectful human-being.
I am thankful for my dad, for trying his best.
I am thankful for Jeremy's parents for treating me like one of their own (and often taking my side on things).
I am thankful that Jeremy and I both have jobs that pay our bills and allow us to live comfortably.
I am thankful for clean water to drink and fresh food to eat.
I am thankful for a reliable vehicle.
I am thankful for the quiet, easiness of Pleasant Hill, Ohio.
I am thankful for family and friends to share good times and memories with.
I am thankful for a warm house that is my own.
I am thankful for the ability to make weekly trips to Miamisburg.
I am thankful for quiet moments spent between just Jeremy and I.
I am thankful for my little business, even if I've had to push it to the side a bit lately.
I am thankful that Jeremy has only a couple weeks of college left.
I am thankful for holidays and the warm feeling that it brings to be surrounded by your family.
I am thankful that I can be me. I can create, and live and laugh freely without concern and I know that I have an amazing support-system and family that love me regardless.
Happy Thanksgiving! I hope it brings you as much joy as it's bringing me!
Thursday, November 22, 2012
Wednesday, November 21, 2012
So What!
Monday, November 19, 2012
Prayer
Do you believe in the power of prayer?
I do.
I have had a migraine for 16 hours straight now and it's the third time in the last week alone that I've been crippled by these horrible headaches. I don't know if it's stress, the weather or something more serious but I'm asking for my blog friends prayers.
I really can't afford to go to the doctor right now. With a $5,000 deductible per person, we're already drowning in Henry's doctor bills from this year. I really just need for them to go away, or at least be less intense. I couldn't even sleep last night because the pain was so intense and yet being up and moving about just seems to make things worse.
So if you could just whisper a little prayer for me today, I would really appreciate it. I just want this pain to go away.
I do.
I have had a migraine for 16 hours straight now and it's the third time in the last week alone that I've been crippled by these horrible headaches. I don't know if it's stress, the weather or something more serious but I'm asking for my blog friends prayers.
I really can't afford to go to the doctor right now. With a $5,000 deductible per person, we're already drowning in Henry's doctor bills from this year. I really just need for them to go away, or at least be less intense. I couldn't even sleep last night because the pain was so intense and yet being up and moving about just seems to make things worse.
So if you could just whisper a little prayer for me today, I would really appreciate it. I just want this pain to go away.
Friday, November 16, 2012
But I Worked For It!
Okay, I'm going to vent because honestly, I have no one else to vent to and this is my blog so I'm allowed to anyway. I don't see where people get off, or how they live with themselves in some situations.
I have a brother who just drives me completely crazy. Everything he does makes me say 'really?!'. I have tried my best to do everything right in my life. I got good grades in school, I worked, I volunteered, I grew up, started college, got married, continued working, had a child, bought a house...etc, etc. I never asked for help or expected someone just to hand something to me just because I wanted it. I made sacrifices and I worked my butt off to have what I do and yet, I'm treated like I'm stuck-up or snotty just because I wanted to better myself and to rise above the situation that we were always in as children.
My brother however, he thinks that the world owes him something and he has no problem taking everything he can whenever he can get it. He lives with his girlfriend who he claims is his wife but they won't get married because that would take away from their government assistance. She's also on social security and his decent-paying job is under the table so that again, the government can't take away any of their assistance. Their rent is paid for by the government, their bills are paid for by the government, and wouldn't you know - they have ALL kinds of money for all of the things they could ever want. She gets a phone with a certain amount of minutes from the government each month, their groceries are paid for by the government and so is her healthcare. When Jeremy and I found out we were pregnant, her comment to us and to my brother was 'Well that's just stupid, we've been together longer so we should be the ones having a baby. Not you.'
I almost hit her and wouldn't you know, she ended up pregnant not long after.
Yay! More assistance!
So I'm sorry if it ticks me off when you rub it into my face that you have the newest cell phone, the huge tv, the brand new car and all the money in the world to blow on your drugs and fun. I work hard for what I have and I'm proud of that. Yeah, we drive old, used cars and my phone is 'stupid' instead of smart. I cut coupons because otherwise we couldn't afford all of our groceries and our tv isn't very big. And no, my son isn't wearing a $50 outfit, but a $4 one that was bought used from the consignment store. At least I know I worked for it. And at least I value something more than money and toys.
End rant. If you made it all the way thought that, just ignore it all. I just needed to get it all out for once.
I have a brother who just drives me completely crazy. Everything he does makes me say 'really?!'. I have tried my best to do everything right in my life. I got good grades in school, I worked, I volunteered, I grew up, started college, got married, continued working, had a child, bought a house...etc, etc. I never asked for help or expected someone just to hand something to me just because I wanted it. I made sacrifices and I worked my butt off to have what I do and yet, I'm treated like I'm stuck-up or snotty just because I wanted to better myself and to rise above the situation that we were always in as children.
My brother however, he thinks that the world owes him something and he has no problem taking everything he can whenever he can get it. He lives with his girlfriend who he claims is his wife but they won't get married because that would take away from their government assistance. She's also on social security and his decent-paying job is under the table so that again, the government can't take away any of their assistance. Their rent is paid for by the government, their bills are paid for by the government, and wouldn't you know - they have ALL kinds of money for all of the things they could ever want. She gets a phone with a certain amount of minutes from the government each month, their groceries are paid for by the government and so is her healthcare. When Jeremy and I found out we were pregnant, her comment to us and to my brother was 'Well that's just stupid, we've been together longer so we should be the ones having a baby. Not you.'
I almost hit her and wouldn't you know, she ended up pregnant not long after.
Yay! More assistance!
So I'm sorry if it ticks me off when you rub it into my face that you have the newest cell phone, the huge tv, the brand new car and all the money in the world to blow on your drugs and fun. I work hard for what I have and I'm proud of that. Yeah, we drive old, used cars and my phone is 'stupid' instead of smart. I cut coupons because otherwise we couldn't afford all of our groceries and our tv isn't very big. And no, my son isn't wearing a $50 outfit, but a $4 one that was bought used from the consignment store. At least I know I worked for it. And at least I value something more than money and toys.
End rant. If you made it all the way thought that, just ignore it all. I just needed to get it all out for once.
Thursday, November 15, 2012
In the near future...
You won't believe this, but I have the makings for about 10 different diy and craft tutorials that I just haven't gotten organized enough to post yet. There are two recipes: roasted red potatoes and delicious baked asparagus. These two veggie dishes are like candy in my household. There is a diy on making a kid's apron from a dishtowel and a pot holder and a crochet pattern for a dragon hat. Then there's several Christmas crafts that I have finished and several more that I'm working on. I will get to them. Eventually.
Wednesday, November 14, 2012
A Plead
My mother-in-law is in the hospital. It doesn't seem to be anything too serious but this is the second night that they are keeping her. As I was coming home from my weekly trip to my grandmother's house, I figured I'd wait the 30 minutes for Jeremy to get off work and we could go see her at the hospital together rather than each going at separate times.
I thought about going to the library to kill some time, but Henry was asleep and I knew that if I woke him up, he was going to be far from pleasant to be around. So I sat in the parking lot for awhile listening to Christmas music (yes, I'm that crazy person) on the radio and just thinking awhile. For once it seemed like I'd thought up everything there was to think about and I literally was trying to think about things to think about just to occupy my time.
For some reason I felt the need to visit the cemetery close by. I don't personally know anyone buried there, but I know of a few people, so I decide to pay their graves a visit. Maybe this was brought on by my finishing 'The Fault in Our Stars' by John Green that is about a group of teenagers (mainly two) with cancer (fictional, young adult, genius author). It has a lot of thoughts about death, especially when it comes to children dying (from cancer in this case) before their parents.
It's hard to think about really and I didn't even realize I was thinking about it until I got there. I drove around for a minute as it's a fairly large cemetery. I have a horrible memory sometimes but I'm great when it comes to directions and I recognized the area where the people that I know of were buried.
I dug in my purse for some change, got out of my car and made my first visitation to one of my husband's best friends in high school. I didn't have anything to say, not because I couldn't say anything but because I don't really believe that the dead can hear us. I didn't stay there long. I didn't know John although at times I feel like I could have, he was killed in a car accident before he or my husband had even graduated high school. I left the change on his tombstone, something that my husband had told me was tradition when visiting him there and walked away.
A few yards away is the section of the cemetery dedicated specifically for babies. When I think about visiting these tiny graves, it feels so different to be there, so humbling and heart-wrenching all at once.
Because my baby isn't there but there are so many others - many of which whose tombstones have only one date.
So I walked by each tombstone, reading the date(s), taking note of the hotwheel cars, little dolls and various toys that were left by loved ones and I cried. I cried like I had lost my own child although I had not. I cried because I thought of my mother-in-law and what it must have felt to lay a child here.
And then there was his grave.
Corey Kenneth Ovenshire
And I cried harder because I cannot imagine losing my child, especially in the way that my mother-in-law lost hers. Corey had been strangled to death as he was coming into this world. His umbilical cord had wrapped around his neck so tightly that the very thing that had given him life while growing in the womb had taken it as well.
I thought about never hearing that first cry and seeing this perfectly formed little human for the very first time without life. It would kill me. Knowing that it didn't kill her makes me respect her strength even more.
But I think what made me the saddest, the thing that tore at my heart the most, was the lack of love for this little tombstone. It was dirty, without any toys or decorations. I understand why. My mother-in-law has two perfect children who have a husband and a wife and who have given her three perfect grand-children. She cannot dwell on Corey whose life was clearly not meant for this world. But still it made me sad and I wished at that moment that I had one of Henry's cars to leave for the uncle that he will never know.
When I got back to the car, it was all I could do to compose myself. I found myself pleading with God to never take a child away from me - that I could never do it and that if He had plans to take one of mine, that he just HAD to take me too. I thought about all the parents that have lost a child, the mothers who didn't get to kiss their little faces every night and I hurt for them - really, really hurt for them.
I hope I never have to stand in their shoes, but for a moment, it was almost like I did.
I thought about going to the library to kill some time, but Henry was asleep and I knew that if I woke him up, he was going to be far from pleasant to be around. So I sat in the parking lot for awhile listening to Christmas music (yes, I'm that crazy person) on the radio and just thinking awhile. For once it seemed like I'd thought up everything there was to think about and I literally was trying to think about things to think about just to occupy my time.
For some reason I felt the need to visit the cemetery close by. I don't personally know anyone buried there, but I know of a few people, so I decide to pay their graves a visit. Maybe this was brought on by my finishing 'The Fault in Our Stars' by John Green that is about a group of teenagers (mainly two) with cancer (fictional, young adult, genius author). It has a lot of thoughts about death, especially when it comes to children dying (from cancer in this case) before their parents.
It's hard to think about really and I didn't even realize I was thinking about it until I got there. I drove around for a minute as it's a fairly large cemetery. I have a horrible memory sometimes but I'm great when it comes to directions and I recognized the area where the people that I know of were buried.
I dug in my purse for some change, got out of my car and made my first visitation to one of my husband's best friends in high school. I didn't have anything to say, not because I couldn't say anything but because I don't really believe that the dead can hear us. I didn't stay there long. I didn't know John although at times I feel like I could have, he was killed in a car accident before he or my husband had even graduated high school. I left the change on his tombstone, something that my husband had told me was tradition when visiting him there and walked away.
A few yards away is the section of the cemetery dedicated specifically for babies. When I think about visiting these tiny graves, it feels so different to be there, so humbling and heart-wrenching all at once.
Because my baby isn't there but there are so many others - many of which whose tombstones have only one date.
So I walked by each tombstone, reading the date(s), taking note of the hotwheel cars, little dolls and various toys that were left by loved ones and I cried. I cried like I had lost my own child although I had not. I cried because I thought of my mother-in-law and what it must have felt to lay a child here.
And then there was his grave.
Corey Kenneth Ovenshire
And I cried harder because I cannot imagine losing my child, especially in the way that my mother-in-law lost hers. Corey had been strangled to death as he was coming into this world. His umbilical cord had wrapped around his neck so tightly that the very thing that had given him life while growing in the womb had taken it as well.
I thought about never hearing that first cry and seeing this perfectly formed little human for the very first time without life. It would kill me. Knowing that it didn't kill her makes me respect her strength even more.
But I think what made me the saddest, the thing that tore at my heart the most, was the lack of love for this little tombstone. It was dirty, without any toys or decorations. I understand why. My mother-in-law has two perfect children who have a husband and a wife and who have given her three perfect grand-children. She cannot dwell on Corey whose life was clearly not meant for this world. But still it made me sad and I wished at that moment that I had one of Henry's cars to leave for the uncle that he will never know.
When I got back to the car, it was all I could do to compose myself. I found myself pleading with God to never take a child away from me - that I could never do it and that if He had plans to take one of mine, that he just HAD to take me too. I thought about all the parents that have lost a child, the mothers who didn't get to kiss their little faces every night and I hurt for them - really, really hurt for them.
I hope I never have to stand in their shoes, but for a moment, it was almost like I did.
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