Another Answered Prayer

I've been itching for about two months now. It started with the soles of my feet and then my palms and within the last three weeks it spread to my entire body. This is no light itching. I literally would itch until I was in tears, spend hours just standing in a cool shower and scratch until I was bleeding. I had mentioned the itching to my doctor when I first started noticing it and he said it was just normal. Everyone else around me told me the same.

I couldn't make my last doctor's appointment so I had to reschedule for this week. I had prayed and prayed that the doctor could tell me something to do to help relieve some of the itching. I had called his office numerous times in the last couple of weeks and the nurses just told me to take an oatmeal bath and start taking Benadryl. So I did and I managed to sleep one night through the night without the itching waking me and so I thought I'd found a cure. Three days later however, the itch was back full force and neither was helping me any more.

Thankfully today the doctor really listened to what I said and took me seriously and immediately told me what he thought was going on. I still have to wait for the blood results but due to the severity of my itching and the dark color of my urine, he seemed pretty convinced that I had developed cholestasis of pregnancy. In a nutshell, it pretty much means that I have bile acid running into my bloodstream and should it get to baby it could potentially means some pretty bad things.

The positive side is that once the test results are in, depending on the level of bile, I will either be induced immediately or at 37 weeks. This means that I could only have 3 weeks of pregnancy left before my little one arrives and that my brother will also get to see him while he's home! However, the negatives definitely could outweigh the positives so I'm praying that things are okay and that we found it soon enough and that I have no worries.

I'm just glad to know that something is up and that I'm not imagining it. I was really starting to get depressed at the idea that this extreme itching was just 'normal' and that I would just have to deal with it for another 6 weeks.

Wowza

I guess I knew it was close but I didn't realize just how close. Baby Henry will be here before I know it and the simple fact that we got a phone call at 2:00 a.m. telling us that our friend who was due a month before me had just had her baby really made me realize it. My last baby shower is tomorrow and then it'll be time to finish getting anything else we need and then...baby time. Wowza.

Parenting before Baby

There really are some things I know that I know about being a parent. Everyone tells me that my opinions will change, that I will feel differently when I'm holding him and he looks up at me with his precious eyes but I keep fighting them on it.

He will not have everything he asks for. When he gets a bit older, he will learn the value of a dollar and he will earn the things that he wants. He will have his hands smacked and his butt whooped and he will always know that his whoopings are out of love. He will go to church, even when he doesn't feel like it. He'll have a curfew and rules to live by and if he loses our trust, he'll have to earn it again. He won't have girlfriends staying over when he gets older or beer at his 16th birthday party and just because his friends are doing it doesn't mean he will too.

He will learn that life is what you make of it, every person deserves a chance and that God loves us all. We will be more than happy to let him play in the mud, collect rocks and stain clothes. He can play sports, take dance or join a club if it makes him happy. We will never 'force' him to be something he's not. He will be unconditionally loved and cherished as our son and know it. He'll have things that both Jeremy and I both didn't have growing up but he will also know how blessed he is.

I don't know, maybe I'm wrong. Perhaps my opinions will change after I have him...but I just don't think so.

Gross

I'm pretty sure I lost my mucus plug this morning. Kinda gross.

In other news I'm itching myself to death, I'm exhausted and I'm about 2 minutes away from killing a barking dog and meowing cat who just won't shut up. Ugh, let's hope I can get some more sleep somehow this morning. Jeremy and I have the day off together and I really don't want to be miss grump-butt.

Pregnancy Blahs

Not gonna lie, I'm getting pretty bored with this pregnancy thing. I spent the first 3 months sicker than a dog, the second 3 months stressed to the max with work and now I'm just plain miserable with almost 2 months to go.

With that said I was just telling Jeremy tonight how much I'm going to miss having the little guy moving around in there all the time. I've gotten so used to it that I barely notice it anymore except for when I think about it but I just know that things will feel...void...without him.

Overall I'm just excited to meet him and things seem to be moving so slow right now. We have almost everything ready. There are a few odd and end things that we still need but nothing we couldn't survive without for a while.

I've been trying to stay busy to pass the time but it doesn't really seem to be working. Just this week Jeremy and I have done something every night to stay entertained and yet, I still feel like the week moved so slowly. I guess I need to be a bit more patient.

Next week we're going away for a few days and my last baby shower is on Sunday so I'm excited about that! In the meantime I just have to get through work this weekend without running out of Tums and my feet swelling to the size of watermelons.

I can't thank God enough for the job He's blessed me with. Not many people would hire someone 6 months pregnant and not only that, but I truly do get to be home with my precious son all but a couple days of the week. It's just perfect and I'm so grateful. He is so good!

Now it is time to cuddle up to my hubby and go to sleep...even if it's just for an hour or two.

More Ramblings

I've pondered life a lot lately, decisions I've made and the direction that I'm headed. I have to say that I'm not very disappointed. I feel as if God has had His mighty hand over Jeremy and I so much in the past two and a half years. He has blessed us in ways unimaginable and at the same time, challenged our faith and marriage to help build it stronger. We owe all the glory and thanks to Him, without Him we would have never made it.

I'm excited for the future. I'm excited for Henry to get here. I'm excited for all those first moments and I'm excited for him to grow up too. Sometimes I feel as if my thoughts, dreams and hopes are in a rush, I just want to savor each and every day. I'm so blessed to have each and every one!

I feel like I'm so extremely lucky to have the job that I do now. I downgraded, like REALLY downgraded but in doing so, I have so much freedom to be with my son when he's born. Either Jeremy or I will be able to be home with him every single day except for a few hours on Saturdays and although one of us has to work every single day of the week, we will have every evening to spend as a family. We are truly blessed! I can't imagine having to leave my little one with someone all the time. I know that in a lot of cases it's necessary but I just don't think I could do it and I'm blessed enough to have a husband who agrees. In our case, we know that the only people we truly trust to raise our child is us.

We have some big events coming up. Something huge is happening in a month or so but I've been sworn to secrecy so I can't say what. I just hope I'll be able to keep up with all the responsibility I've been given in it all. Henry should be here a month after that! Jeremy and I are planning a small trip in a week or two to the little resort down in Kentucky for a couple of nights. We're hoping to squeeze in a Reds game too. My brothers and sister are out of school for the summer and I plan on keeping them with me here and there. Pretty much, just trying to stay busy, count down the weeks and enjoy the summer!

Selfish

I know I'm being selfish. I'm angry and I'm upset and I know a huge part of that is hormones but I just don't care.

I had a dream about 4 nights ago that my brother was coming home early. I literally woke up crying because it upset me so much, so I woke Jeremy up and told him about it and he just cuddled me close and told me that it was just a dream and not likely to happen. I knew that was probably true and just dismissed the entire thing, went back to sleep and hadn't really thought of it since.

Then today I find out he's coming home a month early. Just like my dream, everyone keeps calling me all excited, wanting to plan a party and etc.. and I just can't help it but I want to tell them just to back off, leave me alone, let me get over my selfishness and then maybe I'll be happy about it too.

At one time in my life my brother was my absolute best friend. He was the person I called when I wanted to vent, the shoulder I cried on, the crazy guy dancing with me in the parking lot to our favorite song, he was to be my 'maid of honor' in our wedding and he was there that day every step of the way from me getting dressed to saying "I do". He's one of the few family members that's made an effort to come up to Troy to see Jeremy and I when he was home. I was there with him through all the best times and the worst times and we always promised not to judge each other, no matter what, but to be there...always.

I know he has very little to no control as to when he gets to come home and such. I know that until he's out of the Army there are going to be many more times when I won't be able to share moments with him that in the past I would have never missed. I know that I'm blessed to know that my husband will be able to be there through it all and that I won't have to go through it alone. I've just been so excited and so happy about the fact that he would be home during the time that Henry was due that this news just devastates me.

He doesn't have to be there for the birth. He doesn't have to be one of the first to see or hold my little boy. But it meant so much to me to know that they'd at least get to meet before he left for Afghanistan. Now unless Henry comes 3 weeks early, that's not likely to happen. I know God has a reason for everything and that this is all part of His plan. Like I've said, I'm just being selfish and while everyone else is celebrating, I just needed to share my pain in this situation without looking like a complete jerk.