Dreams Untold

I want to live in a cottage in the woods, the stone walls cool to the touch and the sound of the creek ever comforting my soul. My horses will graze freely in their pastures while my children will run freely without care.

Time will be abundant and troubles will never reach my doorstep. My favorite place to be will be the bench beneath the weeping willow, it's soft branches dancing in the breeze as the frogs sing along the water's edge. Whispers will never leave the ears of those who've heard and the air will be forever filled with music.

I won't worry. Dinner will be perfect, the house clean.

There will be weddings in the backyard and stories told around bonfires. Baseballs will be thrown, paint splattered, pictures taken and memories made.

Everything will be perfect, dreams will come true and life will continue into eternity.

But I Am Not Alone

It may be a struggle. I may have to give where I'd rather take and push myself when I feel there's no way...

But I am not alone.

It may feel as if this world is just making me weak and although I look, I can find no relief...

Still, I am not alone.

When push comes to pull and I find myself short, when the strings finally break and it's all I can take...

I am not alone.

I am not alone. Wherever I go, You are with me and when I am down, You will lift me and thank you Lord that forever I will be reminded...

But I am not alone.

Fleeting

But I'm sure I'm not the only one who finds his innocence so amazing, whether asleep or awake, he captivates my every minute with his perfection. And one day I know that it will change so I will cling to these moments. I will pray for time to creep and I will whisper in his little ears the promise that he will always be the closest thing to my heart.

A Month Too Soon

I am in absolute disbelief that Henry will be an entire month old tomorrow. Where does the time go?? He has changed and grown so much right before my eyes and if one does not believe in God, I would think it would take nothing more than to watch a little child to see that we are surrounded by Him and His miracles.

I've learned a few things in this last month:

-It's almost impossible to plan to go somewhere and actually be on time.

-Yes, you can go through 100 diapers in one week.

-Spit up is every shirt's new accessory.

-Sleeping is totally overrated.

-Most advice is better taken through one ear and out the other.

-Routines are life-savers.

-Tiny smiles can stop the entire world for a minute.

-Lots of things can be done one handed.

-Most men are terrified of babies.

-If left where the dog can reach them, a box of dirty diapers can make quite the mess...

-Glow Worms named "Charles" can soon become your best friend.

-Food, like sleep, is totally overrated.

-Pumping breast milk is a job in itself.

-Chores are meant to go undone.

-Family will bribe you with just about anything if you'll bring the baby over.

-Love takes a new meaning while life...well, it will never be the same.

Needed: One Maid

Henry will be three weeks old on Tuesday. As silly as it sounds, when people ask me when he was born I almost tell them August 8th instead of July 19th. I guess I am still in pregnancy mode when it comes to the date. It's so hard to believe that three weeks has gone by and even harder to believe that he wasn't suppose to be here until tomorrow. I suppose it's just more proof that God knows what he's doing and as advanced as medical technology can be, no one can predict the future.

I spend every day doing pretty much the same things: feed Henry, change Henry, pump and repeat. I usually manage a meal or a shower or a little bit of free time to walk to the post office to get the mail in between feedings but he usually eats every two or three hours during the day so it doesn't leave me time for much. This is why I'm in desperate need of a maid right about now.

Our dishes are piled high although I do mange to do them more often than not. The floors need swept and mopped, everything is collecting dust, the cat box needs changed, my flower beds currently look like jungles and I literally have weeds as tall as my windows right now and although I do manage to keep clothes washed and dried, I have about four baskets full that need to be folded and put away. Needless to say, I'm very behind.

I guess I could manage some extra time to do things when Jeremy gets home in the evenings, but by the time 7 o'clock rolls around, I'm pretty much exhausted and all I want to do is get dinner made and relax awhile before going to bed. I feel bad asking Jeremy to help with any of it because he's working 6 days a week at the shop in this heat and although I get up with the baby every night, it stirs him as well and I know he's worn out every day.

Back to the point: I need a maid.

I'm also in need of about 12 solid hours of sleep, but I don't see that happening for a very long time...

One Queen Size Bed

I respect the opinions and insight of doctors and nurses who have spent so much time studying and researching medicine and such but sometimes I just have to disagree with them. I dread the 'sleep' talk every time I take Henry to the doctor. I have been reminded at least 15 times since he was born that he should sleep 'alone, in a crib, on his back'. Which, most of the time...he does. But I find no fault or shame in admitting that at times he also sleeps with me, held close where I can hear him breath and feel him move.

I understand the reasoning of him sleeping alone. I understand it reduces the risk of SIDS and that clearly, if he's not in bed with us, then he's not at risk that someone will roll over on him or suffocate due to extra blankets and pillows being around. But quite honestly, if the child so much as blinks, I wake up. If Jeremy barely stirs, I wake up. I feel as if my son is not at risk when he's sleeping with me, although I'm sure others would argue otherwise.

I find that the both of us sleep better when we sleep together. On average he'll sleep an hour longer between feedings and I'm not constantly waking up and checking on him in his crib. At this point an extra hour and a more restful sleep makes all the difference in the world, especially since I am still defiant against taking naps during the day.

Overall, I find that there's a special connection between a mother and their child and co-sleeping just enhances that connection. I understand that it's not for everyone and that there are many circumstances where a child is so much safer sleeping alone than with his parents. I just hate that look and feeling as if I'm doing something wrong when I admit that he does at times sleep with me. It's a lecture every time but I refuse to lie. He's my child and I would never do anything to hurt him, we all have our own ways of parenting and this is just one of mine.

I love waking up and his little face being right next to mine. The only problem is, our one queen size bed is feeling kind of small with two adults, a baby, a dog and a cat sleeping in it every night.