I feel the need to apologize but I'm not going to. I guess usually I would keep my hard days to myself but lately I've decided that that just can't be healthy and I've kind of just stopped. More like cold turkey just stopped really. I think my husband has noticed too. It's just not fair to be the only one who carried all the things inside. Whether good things or bad things, I am human and I have a right to share them. Plus, the inside can only carry so much until it bubbles up and over the outside and while sometimes that can be a good thing, more times than not, it's more of a bad things. And I deserve more than that. We all do.
The Way Things Are:
I'm exhausted. I don't even know why I'm up right now. I should have gone to bed at least two hours ago. Henry is still not feeling well and he has a horrible time sleeping which means that he wakes up often and wants me to hold him. I'm super, super busy this week, this month really. I have several bigger photo sessions coming up, a birthday party to plan and then Halloween. We won't even talk about November and December. Umm...where the heck does the time go??
Why It's Okay:
It's okay. It's okay because my little boy needs me and I love being here for him when he doesn't feel well. I love knowing that he wants ME...no one else. Plus sleep will be plentiful on later days. Life is just too short to be so concerned about a couple of nights of sleep. Being busy is okay too. It's a good thing. Photo sessions will bring much needed extra Christmas money and why in the world would I be upset about celebrating my birthday?? Even if the party is for my husband. (Who is turning 30!! Bahaha...old man alert!) I honestly cannot wait until Halloween this year. I think Henry is going to have a wonderful time and I can't wait to show off his costume. I absolutely love this time of year. I guess I just need to suck up all the negativity and focus on the positives. There are so many good things, soooo, so many. Sometimes it just gets lost in the here and now.
Showing posts with label thewaythingsare. Show all posts
Showing posts with label thewaythingsare. Show all posts
Wednesday, October 03, 2012
Sunday, August 19, 2012
The Way Things Are
The Way Things Are:
I am hurt. Like really hurt. I feel betrayed and replaced and my security in what I thought we had has been completely deflated.
I guess mostly I keep reminding myself that my life is anything but normal. I'm always Jeremy's wife, Henry's mother, Veda's granddaughter, Steve's daughter, the kids' sister. I really just want to be ME for once.
I guess you were the biggest part of me that I'd found in a really long time.
I just wonder if I'll ever have an ounce of long-time security, if I'll ever look around and think 'this feels safe' because every time I do I'm reminded otherwise.
Really I just want to be important to someone other than myself.
Why It's Okay:
It's okay. It's okay because everything is survivable - everything but that very last thing. And I'm fairly certain that this isn't going to kill me, not this time anyway. It's okay because I can still reason with myself. I can still remind myself that yesterday was wonderful and that tomorrow could be the same, even if today has hurt so very much. It's okay because I've been hurt worse - way worse.
It's okay because I did find you and if I found you then there must be others out there, others who will fit me -because they love me and not because they have to accept the role I play in the person they love's life. It's okay because I will always have Jeremy and Henry to fall into and even if occasionally they fail to catch me - bruises do tend to heal.
It's okay because I hate normalcy and I have to learn to accept that 'not being normal' can be both a good and bad thing sometimes. I just have to find the unbalance where good outweighs bad.
It's okay because it mattered and if it mattered, if it hurt, then I'm risking enough of myself to say that I never faked it, I never just said the words and didn't mean them. I loved and I lived. What more can we ask of life?
I am hurt. Like really hurt. I feel betrayed and replaced and my security in what I thought we had has been completely deflated.
I guess mostly I keep reminding myself that my life is anything but normal. I'm always Jeremy's wife, Henry's mother, Veda's granddaughter, Steve's daughter, the kids' sister. I really just want to be ME for once.
I guess you were the biggest part of me that I'd found in a really long time.
I just wonder if I'll ever have an ounce of long-time security, if I'll ever look around and think 'this feels safe' because every time I do I'm reminded otherwise.
Really I just want to be important to someone other than myself.
Why It's Okay:
It's okay. It's okay because everything is survivable - everything but that very last thing. And I'm fairly certain that this isn't going to kill me, not this time anyway. It's okay because I can still reason with myself. I can still remind myself that yesterday was wonderful and that tomorrow could be the same, even if today has hurt so very much. It's okay because I've been hurt worse - way worse.
It's okay because I did find you and if I found you then there must be others out there, others who will fit me -because they love me and not because they have to accept the role I play in the person they love's life. It's okay because I will always have Jeremy and Henry to fall into and even if occasionally they fail to catch me - bruises do tend to heal.
It's okay because I hate normalcy and I have to learn to accept that 'not being normal' can be both a good and bad thing sometimes. I just have to find the unbalance where good outweighs bad.
It's okay because it mattered and if it mattered, if it hurt, then I'm risking enough of myself to say that I never faked it, I never just said the words and didn't mean them. I loved and I lived. What more can we ask of life?
Friday, August 17, 2012
The Way Things Are & Why It's Okay
I'm following Johnna's suit over at not the muse and starting 'The Way Things Are & Why It's Okay' here hopefully weekly. It's all about taking those negative things and finding the blessings in them, a former blogger used to do these and I used to love reading them. She's going to make a badge so we can link up together, I can't wait.
Anywho...yesterday was just one of those days, so I thought today would be a good day to start.
The Way Things Are:
I spent all morning shampooing my rugs, scrubbing the fabric on my couches, sweeping and mopping and cleaning because while we were on vacation, our dog-sitter obviously forgot that going out with his friends every night wasn't quite as important as doing his job and letting our dogs out. So my once potty-trained pup is now going out on an hourly basis, walking back into the house and peeing on the floor. It took us awhile to catch on and the smell was so atrocious that I kept cleaning and cleaning and couldn't figure out what it was. Needless to say, I figured it out and my brand-new rug went bye-bye yesterday. Mr. Cohen will now be spending his nights in his cage until I can get him fully potty trained again and we will have a new sitter the next time we leave town. 'nough said.
Why It's Okay:
The horrible smell is now gone, THANK GOD. Jeremy has a horrible sense of smell and no matter how many times that I told him that something smelled just terrible, I don't think he thought it was as bad as what it was. My couches look brand new again! Between Henry spilling his sippy cups and the dogs jumping all over them and all of us snacking on them, they had already begun to look well worn. Oh...and I get to go shopping for a new rug. I love decor-shopping, it's by-far my favorite type of shopping and I've already started planning and brain-storming ideas for an awesome new rug. Perhaps something with a lot of color this time?
The Way Things Are:
I spent my entire afternoon gathering props, writing down my posing ideas and making phone calls to confirm my locations for an engagement session just in time for the couple to call to reschedule because of fear of rain. I was so annoyed because I had put so much time and effort into preparing this session because I wanted it to be great - and I need the images for my portfolio.
Why It's Okay:
When 7 p.m. rolled around (the time of their session) it was dark as could be outside, the wind was blowing like crazy and it was raining so it was a good thing we rescheduled or they would of drove an hour and a half for nothing. With my free time, Jeremy and I drove to a few parks here in Miami County that I've been curious about for locations and I am now super excited about one. Then we had dinner and rented a movie to watch together - there is nothing better than cuddling on the couch on a rainy evening with one another and a good movie.
Anywho...yesterday was just one of those days, so I thought today would be a good day to start.
The Way Things Are:
I spent all morning shampooing my rugs, scrubbing the fabric on my couches, sweeping and mopping and cleaning because while we were on vacation, our dog-sitter obviously forgot that going out with his friends every night wasn't quite as important as doing his job and letting our dogs out. So my once potty-trained pup is now going out on an hourly basis, walking back into the house and peeing on the floor. It took us awhile to catch on and the smell was so atrocious that I kept cleaning and cleaning and couldn't figure out what it was. Needless to say, I figured it out and my brand-new rug went bye-bye yesterday. Mr. Cohen will now be spending his nights in his cage until I can get him fully potty trained again and we will have a new sitter the next time we leave town. 'nough said.
Why It's Okay:
The horrible smell is now gone, THANK GOD. Jeremy has a horrible sense of smell and no matter how many times that I told him that something smelled just terrible, I don't think he thought it was as bad as what it was. My couches look brand new again! Between Henry spilling his sippy cups and the dogs jumping all over them and all of us snacking on them, they had already begun to look well worn. Oh...and I get to go shopping for a new rug. I love decor-shopping, it's by-far my favorite type of shopping and I've already started planning and brain-storming ideas for an awesome new rug. Perhaps something with a lot of color this time?
The Way Things Are:
I spent my entire afternoon gathering props, writing down my posing ideas and making phone calls to confirm my locations for an engagement session just in time for the couple to call to reschedule because of fear of rain. I was so annoyed because I had put so much time and effort into preparing this session because I wanted it to be great - and I need the images for my portfolio.
Why It's Okay:
When 7 p.m. rolled around (the time of their session) it was dark as could be outside, the wind was blowing like crazy and it was raining so it was a good thing we rescheduled or they would of drove an hour and a half for nothing. With my free time, Jeremy and I drove to a few parks here in Miami County that I've been curious about for locations and I am now super excited about one. Then we had dinner and rented a movie to watch together - there is nothing better than cuddling on the couch on a rainy evening with one another and a good movie.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)