Lesson Learned

If you've read my blog for any length of time, you know how important parenting is to me.
I know that sounds silly. Of course parenting is important to me. If you're a parent, how can parenting NOT be important to you? Right?
I don't know how else to say it though. Parenting, or my way of parenting, is important to me. Attached parenting is important to me. (That's what it's called, right?) Spending these younger years by my son's side, teaching him, playing with him, exploring with him, and being that constant in his life is very, very important to me.
So when I started watching two other boys in my home five days a week, I realized I didn't really think it all the way through before I made the commitment. And I regretted it, almost immediately.

My time, my precious time, was then split between three instead of one...and the youngest one needed fed, and changed, and fed again every few hours...and the other boy, he needed more attention because he was constantly into everything and I was afraid that if I took my eye off of him for even a second, he'd end up hurt...and Henry played at my feet, and pulled on my shirt, and said 'Mommy, I want to go outside. Mommy, I want to go see Daddy. Mommy, come read to me.' and I had to tell him no, or not right now, or in a little bit, and I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
Mom guilt set in fast and I had to step back and think 'Is this worth it?'. Really, is staying home and having my attention pulled away from Henry any different than working outside of the home 9-5? I'm here, but I'm not.
So when the girl just didn't show up with her boys today (I'm sorry, but who does that?!?), I kinda let out a huge sigh of relief.  I knew that this was probably coming because we had butted heads several times in the previous week (No, I can't watch your kids later while you run errands and lolly-gag around, I have another job to get to after they leave. Please change your son before he comes over so I don't have to clean up the inside of his diaper when it falls apart all over my house. If he's that sick, you shouldn't be bringing him here because then, HELLO, my son is going to get sick too!) and we really just did not seem like a good match for each other, at all.

I am so glad for this experience because it made me realize how much I love spending time with my son, and just how blessed we are to have this time. I have thought so much about purpose this year, and right now, Henry is mine. I want to cherish and be thankful for the opportunity I've been given to do so much with him, and to be there, and to really enjoy it.
This is so important to me, this parenting job. The next time I think 'well...we could really use the money' I'm going to remember this and take a step back and realize what I have to sacrifice first.
Lesson learned.

Random Tuesday Goodness

It is hotter here in Ohio than what it was in Florida for an entire week. Well, maybe not hotter, but the humidity sure does feel out of control. I was not expecting to leave with a heavy sweater on and come home sweating to death. I'll take it though, bring on the summer!
Vacation really did us some good this year for several different reasons. I learned a lot about myself and how I want to do things differently at home. We ate. We laughed. We spent time together, uninterrupted time, as a family and soaked in every single minute of it. It was glorious.
I really felt as if perhaps we over think things too much in our time at home. We have too much stuff and we watch too much TV and we often try to cram too much into a work week. Living in a condo with just the basics really was refreshing. No tripping over toys because Henry only had a couple of his favorites with him. No rummaging through the closet to find something to wear because I only had a few outfits that I knew were both comfortable and stylish (and fit). We used two pans, a couple of towels, shared a charger (there was no service anyway), and never, ever complained about any of it because it was both comfortable and functional. I told Jeremy that when we got home, I was going through everything and getting rid of a ton. And I will...because they serve very little purpose and too much stuff I think can prove to lead to too much stress. Also, this little space of mine, well...I plan on filling it with only the best. I want to look back and see nothing but my life, 100% true, memories, photos, and overall my soul on paper (or screen).

Purpose & Balance

There's a constant struggle in my life to find balance between all of the things that I have to do, need to do, and want to do. Just when I think I've caught up and have a moment to relax, things go and get all crazy on me again and before I know, I'm behind. Again.
My one word for 2014 was purpose, and while there have been certain aspects of my life that I have found easier to find purpose in, there are others in which I am completely lost. I just have a hard time identifying the most important parts sometimes.
Sometimes balance comes in the form of staying up too late and losing a little sleep, or going to bed early and sleeping in for way too long. Sometimes balance is simply finding enjoyment in all that you do, whether that be work or play or both. It's more than just knowing that you were able to mark off each item on the to-do list, or get in that morning run, or make it to the kids play-date while looking like a mommy rock-star.
It's about living to the fullest potential, taking moments to create memories, and knowing that you've put the important things first, even if they're not as important to anyone else.
Maybe the best part of this mess is that I've accepted that maybe this is the way it's going to be. At least for now. Maybe things are suppose to be a little crazy, a little busy. Maybe I'm going to be a little behind, and then a little ahead. Maybe we all get too caught up in the pursuit of perfection that we forget that the here and now is all the really matters.
Perhaps my purpose is to keep searching for the purpose, and in the meantime, enjoy the journey.

Rain

It's raining here today and I'm not sure if you've noticed, but I love the rain.
Even when I have very little to say, it soothes my soul in a way that makes me want to write, to bear my soul, and to expose some of my deepest thoughts and secrets.
I've found that different seasons in life bring different purposes and I feel as if the same rings true for the weather. On days when the rain falls and I can hear it against the windows and roof, there is always a calming presence and longing present. Likewise, when the warm sunshine is bright and it falls on my skin, I am pulled to pause and soak it in and then move. I miss the sunshine after this long, hard winter, and I have also missed the rain.
Living with purpose this year, or striving to, has guided me to make a lot of changes in my life. They've come in all shapes and sizes: some small, some large, and all with a lasting impact. 2014 has barely began and I already feel as if it has changed my life for the better, and I am so impatient, and excited, and yet longing for it to last awhile longer, to see what else it has in store.
Today I am listening to the rain, soaking in that feeling of longing and need, and dreaming of what the future holds.

Recovering JUNK

It's officially been one month since I starting taking great care and purpose with the food that goes into our bodies. I will say that it's been both a wonderful and challenging experience all the same. There have been days when I've wanted nothing more than to chow down on junk food, days that I have done nothing but chow down on junk food, and days that I have felt so sure about this new journey that I just knew I would never even think about junk food again (haha).
Despite the good days and the bad days, eating clean foods with purpose for this past month has completely changed my outlook of food and it's affects on our bodies altogether. They say you are what you eat and here are a few of my top reasons why I absolutely believe it!
1) Junk food makes you feel like JUNK.
Can I make it any clearer? One night last week I had fried chicken for lunch and pizza for dinner from fast-food places. I felt guilty at first but then told myself that we all have bad days and figured I would get back to eating my healthier, clean foods the next day. But the next day I felt so horrible, I didn't want to do anything. I had a headache, absolutely no energy, and zero motivation to do little more than sit in my recliner and watch TV. When I've ate nothing but a clean palette of food for several days, I wake up in the morning and am ready to tackle my day while feeling energized and great doing it.
2) Junk food makes you look like JUNK.
Despite the obvious weight-gain that junk food can cause, junk food can also wreck havoc on things like your skin and hair. One month ago it would be completely normal for me to wake up in the morning and have a huge pimple growing on my face. But over the course of the last month, I've noticed something amazing...my skin has begun transforming into something almost completely unrecognizable. I have no pimples, my complexion is evening out, and it has a sort of glow. I have wore little to no foundation or concealer in the past two weeks because I simply feel as if I do not need it. I've also noticed my thin hair becoming thicker and shinier - and who doesn't love that? Mentioning that 'obvious' weight-gain that comes from junk food, I've lost almost 20 pounds in one month. TWENTY POUNDS. I've watched the weight fall off faster than ever simply by eating clean foods.
3) Junk food makes you think of JUNK.
I absolutely, 100% believe that food can be an addiction. If you've never struggled with food as an addiction before, then bless your heart because you have NO idea how hard it is. I think most of us have - we do know first hard how hard it is to say 'no' sometimes. This has been my biggest challenge, despite the benefits, it is so hard sometimes to say no to junk foods. I've also noticed that if I eat a bunch of junk one day, then the next day it's what I crave. The night that I mentioned before, with the chicken and pizza? Despite feeling like absolute junk the next day, I literally had to talk myself out of eating the leftover chicken. I wanted it so badly even though I was currently suffering from it's poison from the day before. The more junk you eat, the more you want it, the harder it is to resist it, and the more often you'll give in. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.
I feel great after a month of clean eating. Does this mean I will never eat junk food again? Absolutely not. But it does mean that I'm moving forward being more in tune with my body and the new found knowledge of the effects that junk food has on me. If you're looking to feel better, look better, and think better, consider clean eating. It sure has done wonders for me!
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With all the different clean-eating definitions floating around out there, I thought I would give you a quick definition of what it means to me:
Food that are natural, unprocessed and without additives. Essentially I have cut all processed foods, sugar, white flour, pork, and most diary from my diet. I still eat, I just eat things that have been prepared by me and come from reliable sources. There are very little boxed, canned, bagged, or bottled food left in our house.
My goal is to eat with purpose, and I purposely want to know where my food comes from and what is in it so I can best nourish mine and my family's bodies.

Purpose in Photography

I've been reflecting and thinking a lot about purpose lately and what things in my life weigh on me the most and why. There are the obvious things that most of us stress about: money, time, and whether or not we're doing enough, and then there are those things that we have to dig deeper to discover.

We are just shy of two weeks into January and every time I have sat to reflect and think about the things that stress me out most in my life, I keep coming back to one thing: my business.

The biggest stress of my life right now is the constant worry and anxiety about whether or not I'm doing enough for my business to grow and prosper. Why I am not getting a certain client or why a certain client did not buy a certain image or why I keep allowing myself to be pulled into situations that I'm not comfortable in just for the sake of growing, prospering, and moving forward.

I realize that it takes leaps of faith and great courage to grow, but I also am not sure if it's worth the amount of time I spend worrying about it all.

The purpose, the entire reason, I went into this business was because I loved it. But I'm not sure I do anymore and that is so sad.

So, I've decided to take this year off. I'm going to sit back and let things go. I may take on a few clients (I have one wedding booked in July) but otherwise, I'm going to let go and let God.

I want to get back to loving what I'm doing and I want to get back to doing more creative photography instead of constantly trying to push myself to find and please clients. I want to learn and feel completely comfortable in different, tough situations. I want to find my passion and purpose when it comes to photography...and if that's not portrait work, then so be it.

I think this will be good and I think that in a year's time, I may just find exactly what I'm passionate about in this creative world and I think that in the end, my business will be better for it.

Health with Purpose

January always means one thing, America - time to go on a diet!

I didn't set any 'health' goals this year for one reason and one reason only: I never stick to them and I see no point in going back and being all 'oh snap, about that...' one year later when I fail. Lord knows we don't need any more disappoints in our lives so why even start?

I'm so sick of the dieting 'fads'. One week it's Atkins, the next week Weight Watchers. Something works for someone, another person fails at it, and they all usually backslide and gain 20 pounds more than what they lost in the first place. No thank you.

I decided this year that I'm taking control of our lives in a different way. I'm not focusing on weight-loss or dieting even though I need to lose weight like now; instead I'm bringing our entire lives back into focus in a different way.

This year I am focusing on becoming the healthiest us we can be. This means going back to the basics of food in general, realizing what it is we're putting into our bodies and making drastic changes to cut out the things that are absolutely horrible for us.

Call it 'clean eating' but really it's just finding purpose with our food.

However, I am not just focusing on food alone. I am also putting a huge emphasis on our mental health this year and the image we perceive ourselves to be.

No more negative talk about ourselves or our bodies. We are going to focus entirely on being happy with who we are in the moment, no matter what. I am going to look myself in the eye every day and tell myself that I am enough, right now, in this moment, no matter what.

I know this is going to make a huge difference in our lives and I am fully confident that when I look back, I'm going to be so glad that I did this instead of some diet. 2014 is my year, I just know it.

My One Word for 2014

Pur·pose noun

: the reason why something is done or used : the aim or intention of something

: the feeling of being determined to do or achieve something

: the aim or goal of a person : what a person is trying to do, become, etc.

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I'm not sure how many of you have heard of 'my one word' before but it is something that I have done for the past two years and plan on continuing into this year. Instead of making a whole list of resolutions that you are likely not to keep, you pick one word and center everything around it for the year. This word is typically something soul-inspiring, something that will change your character and help you to become more of the person that you want to become. It is still meant to be challenging, but it focuses less on leaving things behind and more on bringing positive things into light. I like that.

This year my one word is purpose. I choose this word for many reasons but mainly because living with a purpose is something that I've been telling myself that I need to do more of for over a year now. I want to do things intentionally, with purpose. For example, dinner should not just be cooked because we must eat, but because I want to purposely and intentionally serve my husband and child by using my own talents and ability to cook them a healthy meal, at a reasonable time, and for the purpose of pleasing them and myself. Food should also be ate at the purpose of fueling our body and not simply for boredom, pleasure, or other random meanings. It's all about finding the true meaning behind the things that we do and then taking those things and turning them around so that they are purposeful, intentional and a blessing.

I truly believe that if I focus on living with purpose for a year, I will find myself happier and feeling more blessed than ever before. 

You can find more information on 'My One Word' on www.myoneword.org and also see my own entry here:  http://myoneword.org/word/jennovey-purpose/#sthash.MIO6mtXN

If you decide to choose one word for this year, please share it with me! I'd love to help support you on your journey.