Memorial Day

We stood there silently as the commands rang out and when the guns went off, I could feel the aching down deep in my soul.
One. Two. Three.
Off in the distance the long, sad sound of bagpipes began to play and the floodgates tore open, unable to contain the pain anymore. Tears traveled down my cheeks as I reflected on the sacrifice made by so many buried in this cemetery and cemeteries all around this great country we call ours.
I brushed them away as the song came to an end and we all bowed our heads to thank God for these men and women who were never able to return home from war.
All day the pain has remained: the deep hurt of knowing that someone died for me and my own. Someone died to keep me safe. Someone died to keep me free.
I hope that God allows them to look down from heaven and see the tears and the celebrations and the time we take to honor their lives. But mostly I hope that we never forget the sacrifice they made so that it can never be said that these heroes died in vain.

A Day in My Life [May]

Deleon Springs & the Old Spanish Mill Pancake House. We love this place and the food is awesome. 

Meet Posum!

Happy Mother's Day to me!

Now go check out Sara's post about 'A Day in My Life' and follow the circle around!

Getting it Out and Letting it Go

I always wanted to be a mom.
Ever since I was a little girl, my biggest desire was to have a family of my own one day to love and cherish and teach and watch grow. I feel so extremely blessed that I have had the opportunity to be a mother to Henry and while I continue to pray that God blesses us with another, I am trying to focus on the fact that one can be enough. At least for now.
However, it is not always easy to focus on the present when everyone around you seems to be focused on the future. It's becoming increasingly harder to answer the question 'when are you and Jeremy going to have another?' honestly. I've almost got it down to an easy, scripted response: 'Oh, we would love to have more but it's just not happening for us right now...' Then on to the smile, ignore the sinking feeling in my stomach, and wait for the typical responses of 'oh, it will happen' or 'you're just not trying hard enough'.
It's disheartening and it's hard.
Then there is that constant guilt that I struggle with as I watch those I know around me who haven't been blessed to have just one. It makes me feel selfish and ignorant and insensitive. I pray for them every time I pray for myself because I feel like that is the very, very least I can do. At least I am not there, at least I have Henry, at least I have been blessed this much.
God is good and I know that all of this is part of His plan. I have to keep trusting in Him and knowing that no matter how I feel about the matter, I can never change the outcome unless it is His will. 
Sometimes it all just feels overwhelming and it helps just to get it all out there and let it go.

Henry Speaks

Henry, my little-big-boy, you have been such a talking delight as of late. You have gone from a shy, barely-speaking toddler, to a repeating anything and everything and understanding 90% of what we're talking about boy. I love it. This age is seriously so much fun. And frustrating. But the fun outweighs the frustration (most of the time). It's really hard for me to believe that in just a couple short months you have gone from saying just a handful of words to speaking in full sentences all of the time. By the way - grandma was right, now that you've finally started talking, you never stop. You even talk in your sleep!
 So Henry, what are you saying (constantly) these days?

• Oh, okay! (My absolute favorite.)
• Over there. (It's over there, let's go over there, look over there....everything is 'over there'.)
• Mom (Constantly, like...before, during, and after every single sentence multiple times.)
• No (Even if you mean yes, you just say no because you're stubborn as a mule.)
• I'm going to get you. (You like to 'get' us and we like to 'get' you which usually ends in about 20 minutes of snorts and giggles.)
• Go see Daddy at work. (You love visiting Daddy at work and when he's not home you constantly want to go see him.)
• Right now. (Instead of saying 'Daddy is home', you say 'Daddy got home right now'.)
• Yeah. (No 'yes' in our house, and you draw it out.)
• Thank you. (You say thank you at the right times AND when you should say 'you're welcome'. 'Please' is something I ALWAYS have to ask for still.)
• Green & Black (Everything is either green or black first, whether you know what color it is or not.)
• No, I'm not. (Whether you really aren't something, or whether you don't want to do something, you always follow up with this.)
• Mae-Mae & Co-wee (Still. Matter of fact, we may never call our dogs by their real names again.)
• Both. (Instead of counting things, you just say that anything more than two is 'both'.)

You are constantly talking - telling us things that you love, telling us what you want to do, how you feel, and what's going on around you, but these are a few of your favorite 'sayings'. I'm so proud of how far you have come and I love spending my days having conversations with you. I can't imagine loving anyone more than I love you.

xoxo, 

Mommy

Random Tuesday Goodness

It is hotter here in Ohio than what it was in Florida for an entire week. Well, maybe not hotter, but the humidity sure does feel out of control. I was not expecting to leave with a heavy sweater on and come home sweating to death. I'll take it though, bring on the summer!
Vacation really did us some good this year for several different reasons. I learned a lot about myself and how I want to do things differently at home. We ate. We laughed. We spent time together, uninterrupted time, as a family and soaked in every single minute of it. It was glorious.
I really felt as if perhaps we over think things too much in our time at home. We have too much stuff and we watch too much TV and we often try to cram too much into a work week. Living in a condo with just the basics really was refreshing. No tripping over toys because Henry only had a couple of his favorites with him. No rummaging through the closet to find something to wear because I only had a few outfits that I knew were both comfortable and stylish (and fit). We used two pans, a couple of towels, shared a charger (there was no service anyway), and never, ever complained about any of it because it was both comfortable and functional. I told Jeremy that when we got home, I was going through everything and getting rid of a ton. And I will...because they serve very little purpose and too much stuff I think can prove to lead to too much stress. Also, this little space of mine, well...I plan on filling it with only the best. I want to look back and see nothing but my life, 100% true, memories, photos, and overall my soul on paper (or screen).

Happy Mother's Day

Mother's day is always a little touchy for me. I won't go into details but let's just say, I have a couple women who I am absolutely thankful for, and a couple that I would like to sit down and give a stern talking to, all of which are considered my 'mother'.
But, enough about that.
I want to wish all of you mothers a very happy mother's day! You deserve a day just for YOU. You are the world's hardest worker and I truly believe that. I hope your kiddos spoil you rotten today (and your hubby too).
I am a little disheartened that I am miles away from my grandmother today and can not be there to give her her gift and card and tell her how much I love and appreciate her, but I have left a little surprise with her neighbor and I hope it will send her the message that I am thinking about her and love her and appreciate her even when I can't be right there.
I am going to enjoy soaking up some family time, stress free, with my baby boy and husband, which is probably the best gift a mother can receive on her special day.
Happy Mom's Day!

May Fitness Goals

I'm almost embarrassed to post about how horrible I did on my goals last month. Can we just skip that part and go straight to May's goals? No? Well...okay...
April's Goals
1) Make a schedule and stick to it... Well, I made the schedule. 50% done!
2) Quit skipping breakfast... Check and check! I love breakfast and I could probably eat breakfast food for every meal so making the time to eat breakfast was an easy one for me.
3) Drink more water... Yup! I bought some new cups that hold a little more than 2 cups a piece and I've found that if I throw a straw in that bad boy, I can easily get at least 8 cups in a day. Yay for getting back on the water train!
4) Exceed my weight-smart challenge for work... I did it! I did it! I totally did it...I ended the challenge at 103% to goal. Go me!
5) Lose 8 pounds. Close but not quite. If I had stuck to that schedule I made I probably would have made it, but I only lost 5 pounds this month. Which is still awesome, don't get me wrong! May's Goals
1) Try not to eat like a pig on vacation. 'nough said.
2) Do a 'cleanse' after returning from vacation to 'restart' and get back into the mind set of eating 100% clean and healthy. It sounds a lot easier than I know it's going to be.
3) Run. Just do it. I need to be able to run 3 miles by August and that's going to creep up on me if I don't get out there and just run. My goal is 3 times a week. This shouldn't be so hard to accomplish!
4) Exercise. Even if it's just walking. This has been my biggest downfall the last couple of months and I need to motivate myself just to do it. 10,000 steps a day is a must with this goal!
5) Take some really great family photos. How does this relate to fitness? Well...I want to see how much I've changed already, and also have a visual in a year from now when I've killed my goals even further. -------------------------
Say a little prayer that as I'm lounging on the beach right now, I'm not shoving my face full of foods that are going to add pounds on the scale and inches on my waist. Did you set any goals for May? I'd love to hear about them so I can support you through them this month!

Progress [April]

We are leaving for vacation tomorrow(!!) but if I want to keep up with any kind of post while trying to juggle getting the house prepped for the sitter and the bags packed, my progress update post would be it.
So how did it go this month?
Well...okay.
I've had a really hard time the last 2 months keeping up with every thing but I'm slowly getting back into the swing of things and putting my act back together. I haven't stopped or went backwards, but it's been much harder and it's required constant dedication. However, I am determined and I want to be totally honest through this process. No masks guys.  

One year apart!

Not to shabby, eh? I'll post my goals for this month later in the week so keep an eye out.

I won't lie and say this has been easy. Losing weight is one of the hardest things I've ever had wanted to do. Well...that and running. Being overweight is in my genetics, is in my husband's genetics, and it's easy to just give in and remain the same despite all the benefits. (Plus, hello! Food!) But I won't. I am so determined to continue on this journey, even if it takes just baby steps along the way to get to my end goal.

My goal for 2014 was to lose 60 pounds and I am more than halfway there.

I can do this.

I sincerely thank you all for your continued support and encouragement: your positive words are what carry me through on those days that I just want to give up.